You’re a Fake: Impostor Syndrome and What You Can Do About It

You’re a Fake: Impostor Syndrome and What You Can Do About It

by | Apr 30, 2020 | Anxiety, Depression, Emotions, Issues for Women, Self-Esteem, Women's Issues

If you struggle with feeling like you’re a fake,  feeling less worthy than other people or criticizing yourself for mistakes, you may be feeling what is called impostor syndrome.

Maybe you’re familiar with the anxiety that shows up when you start to wonder how long it will take before someone “catches on to you”. You can’t help but feel like you “have them all fooled”, but are convinced that before long someone will realize that you are not as competent as they had believed.

If this has been your experience, you are not alone. An estimated 70% of people struggle with this at some point in their lives according to this article in the International Journal of Behavioural Science.

WHAT IS IMPOSTOR SYNDROME

Impostor syndrome, is not really a syndrome or a medical diagnosis, but you’ve likely heard of this phenomena.  These painful thoughts and emotions often lead people strive for perfection, set unrealistic goals and feel paralyzed by negative judgements and self-doubt. 

It was initially defined by psychologists Suzanna Imes and Pauline Rose Clance in the 1970s.  Through this work, Clance noticed that struggling with profound feelings of self-doubt  can lead to anxiety and low self-confidence. 

In a more recent book, Unlocking Your Authentic Self, the author Jennifer Hunt, notes that “people with impostor syndrome under value and under appreciate their own skills and talents”  

Women (and men!) who struggle with impostor syndrome may feel like they are always wearing a mask and hiding their more authentic selves. 

Valerie Young, author of “The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women” notes that people who struggle with impostor syndrome can have trouble putting their thoughts and feelings into perspective.  They magnifying their view of  themselves and their mistakes and fail to recognizing that others make them, too. 

To make things worse, people who struggle this kind on negative self-judgement will also attribute often their successes to luck or other factors beyond their control.

Talk about a no win situation!

In her work with people struggling with impostor syndrome, Young created a ‘rule book’,  helping people to identify the unconscious rules in their mind that they hold themselves to in order to feel competent. These rules tend to begin with “should,” “always,” or “never.”

Which of these ‘rules’ do you identify with?

 

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These rigid rules and fixed ways of responding can keep us stuck in unworkable, draining behaviours.  These behaviours persist, because in the short term they serve a function; perhaps they decrease our anxiety or silence our inner critic.  However, in the long term they lead us to increased emotional pain and exhaustion.

Wonder if you are experiencing Impostor Syndrome?  ,

Take the quiz here .

HOW TO COPE WITH IMPOSTOR SYNDROME

Feelings of never being good enough and not measuring up not only impact the workplace, but can spill over in to your relationships and home life.  A 2019 study published by the Society for Industrial and Organizational Psychology found that employees who experience persistent thoughts of feeling like a fake were emotionally drained and struggled to maintain family and work demands, even though they were highly accomplished individuals.  

This is because it is emotionally exhausting and discouraging to feel stuck struggling to measure up.  rapped in this way of thinking and judging yourself,ese unworkable ways of responding, you can easily become exhausted, discouraged and stuck.  There is evidence pointing to a connection between impostor syndrome and burnout, and in my work with women at my counselling practice, I see this happening for many women; from stay-at-home moms to all kinds of professions .  

1)Notice how you feel  

According to Dr. Jennifer Hunt, people that struggle with impostor syndrome may have a harder time with emotion regulation.  She states that people internalize their emotions and believe them to be 100% true rather than recognizing them as temporary and changeable.  They may be prone to holding onto thoughts and feelings from the past, overthinking, forecasting into the future.  

This reminds me of ‘The Sushi Train’ metaphor by Russ Harris. 

The better we get a noticing our emotions, naming them and allowing them to come and go in their own good time, the less emotional energy we expend on trying to fix or get rid and the less impact they have on us. 

Try: Keeping a journal to help you connect your thoughts, emotions, body sensations and how you have been coping with them.  Here is a journalling page to get you started.

2)Notice your Inner Critic

When was the last time you heard from your inner critic? You know, that voice in your head that constantly judges you, puts you down and compares you to others. The one that tells you you’re not good enough or smart enough and says things you would never dream of saying to another person.

Now you may think this inner critic, while annoying, is relatively harmless. But this is simply not the case. This inner critical voice limits you and stops you from living the life you truly desire. It hinders your emotional well-being and, if left unchecked, can even lead to depression or anxiety.

Here are some ways you can silence that inner critic and stop beating yourself up.

Give it Attention

That’s right, in order to gain control over your inner critic you have to know that it exists. Most of our thinking is automatic. In other words, we don’t give our thoughts much thought. We barely notice a critical thought has passed. Give attention to your thoughts, all of them. This will help you recognize the critical voice.

Here are some emotional clues the critic has reared its ugly head: whenever you feel doubt, guilt, shame, and worthlessness. These are almost always signs of the critic at work.

Separate Yourself from Your Inner Critic

Your inner critic is like a parasite, feeding off you. You were not born with this parasite but acquired it along the way. Your inner critic hopes it can hide and blend in, and that you’ll think ITS thoughts are your own.

You have to separate yourself from this parasite. One way to do that is to give your critic a name. Have fun with this naming. You could call your inner critic anything from “Todd” to “Miss. Annoying Loudmouth.” It doesn’t matter.

What matters is that you learn to separate it from your authentic self.

4) Face the REAL Reality

Are you someone that generalizes your self-criticisms? By that I mean, do you make generalities about yourself such as, “I’m an idiot,” when you make a mistake? The truth is, we all make mistakes from time-to-time, and this mistake does not make you an idiot.  The sum of who you are is greater than this mistake. 

If you’re going to work on stepping out from the grip of impostor syndrome, you need to first recognize that you might be keeping yourself stuck with these generalities.

To see this more clearly, make a list of 10 of your strengths and 10 weaknesses.

When you’re done making this list, ask yourself if any of these things are true about you 100% of the time.  I bet not.  Remind yourself that these are behaviours you can choose to engage in (or not) but they don’t define you.  That way, you can choose to respond more flexibly rather than out of these generalities. 

4) Practice self-compassion

If you want to defeat an enemy, you need to have a powerful ally on your side. It’s important at this juncture to create an even more powerful inner voice. One that is on your side and acts as your BFF.

To create this new voice,  respond to yourself the way you would to a good friend or someone you love very much.  Acknowledge that this is a difficult moment and that it is painful.  Offer yourself some kind, encouraging words.

Life is short. To have the most fulfilling one possible, we have to stop wasting time on beating ourselves up.

To learn more about self compassion, check out some of my other blogs on the topic.

How To Practice Self Compassion

Why Being Kinder To Yourself Matters

 

If you are struggling with impostor syndrome, anxiety or self doubt and need support and guidance, don ‘t hesitate to reach out.  I offer free 15 minute consultation appointments so we can make sure we’ll be a good fit.  All of my appointments are being done online through a secure video platform or by phone for people who live anywhere in Nova Scotia.

4 Lies Anxiety Likes to Tell You

4 Lies Anxiety Likes to Tell You

by | Apr 15, 2020 | Anxiety, Emotions, Issues for Women, Mindfulness, New Mother, Stress & Coping, Women's Issues

Our brains are just like giant problem solving machines, always on the look out for danger or problems that might be going on in our surroundings that requires our attention. 

From a biological perspective, responding to the cues our brain gives us about danger has been useful for ensuring our survival.  The way our brain functions continues to serve us well in many ways such as when we need to get out of the way of a car that hasn’t seen us as we’re crossing the road.  

However, more often than not, the struggle with anxiety, or more specifically the struggle to get to get rid of anxiety, can leave us feeling discouraged, isolated and hopeless, believing that things will never change. 

If you find yourself feeling anxious, you are not alone!

The National Post reported on a recent poll surveying 1,500 Canadians. It found that 41% of people identified themselves as someone who struggles with anxiety and 33% of people had been formally diagnosed  with an anxiety disorder.  

Statistically speaking, anxiety disorders are the most prevalent mental health condition.  They are more common in women and peak during midlife.  

For some people, anxiety is an uncomfortable but fleeting feeling that pops up on occasion during particularly stressful times. 

However, for many others, anxiety may be more present and colour more of their daily life. 

Either way, there are some sticky lies that anxiety likes to tell us that get us stuck in a struggle to get rid or or eliminate our anxiety. 

It is this struggle that’s can amplify and worsen our experience of anxiety and decrease our ability to cope effectively. 

Does any of this sound familiar?

1) You Need to Solve Every Problem Anxiety Dredges Up

How often are you aware of your own thoughts? Our thoughts tend to bubble up from our subconscious without much control from our conscious mind. For those experiencing anxiety, many of these thoughts will be negative and frightening.  They may seem very compelling for us to try and solve. 

Often, anxious thoughts are not rooted in the present, they are about things yet to come in the future or events and regrets from the past that haunt us and trigger our inner critic who floods us with judgement.

We anticipate the worst, try to problems solve scenarios that have yet to happen or beat ourselves up for perceived failings.

We get lost in our heads overthinking, problem solving and criticizing ourselves, hoping to control, prevent or avoid these terrible scenarios.

We get stuck spinning our wheels, and flooding ourselves with stress hormones and we play terrible scenarios over and over again in our minds.

Tip:

One helpful thing you can try when this happens comes from Russ Harris, one of the pioneers of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.  He calls this ‘Thanking Your Mind’.  This allows you to notice the crap your mind is saying, briefly acknowledge it, and turn your focus back to more meaningful activities.

Check out this video for a demonstration of how this works:

2) There is Something Wrong With You

Beyond frightful emotions, anxiety often comes with physical sensations like tightness in the chest, rapid heartbeat and shortness of breath. In other words, it can feel like you are dying.  The more we notice these strange sensations in our body, the more that the sensations can amplify and consume ever more of our attention.  This creates an anxiety feedback loop in our body and can be very distressing. 

Tip:

Slow, deep breaths have been shown to instantly calm a person. The most important part of this, is to focus on exhaling all the air out of your lungs.  Try breathing in for a count of 4 and breathing out for a count of 6. Your heart rate will slow, your muscles will relax, your entire body will return to a normal state of being. Don’t underestimate the power of just taking a moment to breathe.

3) You’re the Only One

But you’re not.

Remind yourself of that ancient dialogue your mind and body are having and know that, in reality, this is something that happens to others too.  

One of the things that can happen for people who struggle with anxiety is that they can begin to view themselves as flawed, broken or damaged as a result.  This does nothing to ease anxiety, but rather increases the pain of it by layering on negative self-judgement. 

Tip:  Practice self-compassion.  Respond to yourself in the same way you would a good friend who was having a similar experience.  Self-compassion and coaching yourself through a difficult moment with kindness can help you build resilience and navigate anxious moments more effectively

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4) You’ll Always Feel Like This

Once you learn to be an observer of your thoughts and learn how to stay present in the moment using your breath, and apply self-compassion by reminding yourself that you are  knowing you are having a natural reaction to what your brain (amygdala) perceive as a threat, you can navigate difficult moments of anxiety more effectively.  

While anxiety may still show up, you can learn to handle moments of anxiety more effectively.  Over time and with practice, it is possible to behave in ways that give your life more richness and meaning and feel that anxiety has less on an impact. 

If after reading this you think that you might benefit from some help learning to manage anxiety more effectively, don’t hesitate to reach out!  I offer free 15 minute consultation appointments so we can make sure we’ll be a good fit.  All of my appointments are being done online through a secure video platform or by phone for people who live anywhere in Nova Scotia.

 

Emotional Eating; How to Manage When You’re Stuck at Home

Emotional Eating; How to Manage When You’re Stuck at Home

by | Apr 10, 2020 | Anxiety, Depression, Emotions, Issues for Women, Mindfulness, Stress & Coping, Women's Issues

A recent Bloomberg report showed an interesting trend; sales were up — way up — for all types of comfort foods, including popcorn (48 per cent), pretzels (47 per cent) and potato chips (30 per cent) compared to a year ago. 

What is it about isolation, stress and the disorienting way each day blends into the next that has people reaching for salty snack foods as a form of comfort?

Honestly, it’s less about hunger than it is about how we use food.  

We use it to self-soothe.

To numb ourselves against our anxieties about the unknown.

We use it to distract ourselves from the stress and unresolved emotions we’re experiencing.

There is nothing wrong with enjoying food during a rough time, but when it becomes our ‘go to’ to quell boredom, stress and to manage our emotional experiences, it’s worth taking note.

 

What is Emotional Eating

‘Emotional eating’ is the term people often use when talking about snacking on comfort foods especially when they are not truly hungry.

In those moments what we are really looking for is comfort in our bodies and our lives and we are using food to distract or cut ourselves off from our emotional state, rather than because of hunger.

The problem with emotional eating, you may have discovered, is that it doesn’t work.

In the moment it brings you temporary relief, but once you’re done eating, you might even feel worse.

Eating can all too easily become a strategy for coping with a low mood, anxiety, boredom, stress, and anger.

During this crisis, when we are spending more time in our homes, it’s understandable that we may be relying on food as a coping mechanism more often than we ordinarily would.  This is not to say that you should never rely on food for comfort, but that it is important to have an awareness of why you are reaching for food and a to have a range of coping strategies in addition to eating.

Slow Down & Check in 

Before you reach into your cupboard or fridge, slow down.  Take a few breaths and check in with yourself.  Are you really hungry? 

Or, is there some other emotion that is coming up for you?  

Maybe you are bored, anxious, frustrated or worried.  

First, slow down and take a few deep breaths.  Try breathing in for a count of 4 and out for a count of 6.  Take at least 10 breaths. 

 

Try Something New

If eating has been your only coping strategy, it is good to add new tools to your toolbox. Consider trying out some other activities that you can turn to, rather than food, to help you soothe, distract, or discharge some emotional energy. These will be unique to each individual.

Here are a list of some new things you can test out:

Creative:

Learn to play guitar, bass or ukulele 

Learn to play piano 

Learn to drum

Practice drawing skills

Improve your painting skills

Physical Activity:

Yoga

Spin Bike Run

Interval workouts

Mindfulness Apps:

My favourite mindfulness apps

Read a new book or listen to a podcast

Connect with Others

We are wired for connection with others and isolation is psychologically very difficult.  While we cannot be physically close to our friends, family, teammates and colleagues, we can connect virtually.

My son is doing strength training with his swim team; something I never would have imagined possible, but it has been very helpful for maintaining a routine and connection with people who are important to him. 

Who can you connect with in a creative way? 

Coffee and FaceTime a friend?

Wine and dinner online with someone special?

Netflix watch party? 

 

Be Kind to Yourself

Research shows that the more the more understanding and forgiving we are of ourselves, the more motivated we are to do what we need to take care of ourselves, including eating well. 

Self compassion can also help guard against the feelings of failure that can arise when you ‘hijack’ your best efforts to eat well.  Self-compassion can help you get back on track rather than beating yourself up. 

Here are some helpful reads here and here on practicing self-compassion

Seek Help

 You do not have to go through this time alone. Even if you live alone or have limited means, there are resources and supports available to you.  I am currently  providing online services to help clients gain the skills and the tools they need to handle the stress and anxiety of COVID-19 more effectively. I’m offering reduced fee spots for those that have been impacted by job or income loss during this crisis and the option of 30 minute focused sessions to help keep you on track, if longer appointments won’t work for now. 

How to Cope with the Stress and Anxiety Caused by COVID-19

How to Cope with the Stress and Anxiety Caused by COVID-19

by | Apr 1, 2020 | Anxiety, Emotions, Issues for Women, Mindfulness, Stress & Coping, Women's Issues

If you’re like most people, you are doing your best to stay calm and cope effectively with anxiety during COVID-19 pandemic. But that can feel incredibly difficult at times.

When you’re not worrying about keeping everyone healthy, there’s also the stress of working from home, parenting kids who are out of school and daycare, along with the experience of isolation that comes from being out of physical connection with our friends and family.

Signs of Emotional Distress and 6 Ways to Cope

Everyone reacts differently to stressful situations, but most will exhibit some of the following signs:

  • Changes in sleeping or eating patterns
  • A sense of being on edge, restless or unsettled
  • Physical signs of anxiety like a racing heart, clammy hands
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Irritability and frustration towards others
  • Worsening of chronic health problems
  • Overuse of alcohol or other drugs

If you are experiencing significant stress right now, here are some quick ways you can help yourself:

1. Limit Media Consumption

Yes, you do need to know what is going on, but you don’t need to read every.single.article. about COVID-19 or watch the new loop on repeat.

Likewise, scrolling social medial for hours to deal with boredom, restlessness and anxiety is helpful int the moment, but ultimately unfulfilling.

It’s especially important to create times during the day where you are engaging in activities that you enjoy and getting a break from you phone.

Instead try:

Watching a movie with your partner or family

FaceTime or Skype or call a friend

 

2. Nurture Your Body and Spirit

Be sure to get outside for some fresh air and go for a walk. Eat well,  make sure to stay hydrated and get plenty of sleep.

One practice you can adopt to cope more effectively with anxiety is mindful breathing.  This helps to turn on the part of the nervous system that helps calm you down and turn off the stress response.

Breathing in for a count of 4 and out for a count of 6.  

This activates the parasympathetic system, the part of your nervous system that helps you to relax.

As you exhale, a signal is carried through your vagus nerve from your body to your brain, sending the message to move out of the stress response and into a more restful state.

Try it now for 6-10 breaths and see what happens.  .  

You can Also Try:

Calm App
Happiness Trap App

3. Contain Your Worries

There is a lot to think about these days.  Lots you could worry about.  Kids. Health. Employement. Finances. Loved ones.

But when our thoughts run wild, our anxiety increases.

It’s so easy to miss out on the pleasureable things we have going on when our minds are somewhere else while we are doing them.

Try having a worry time.

Throughout the day, when your mind pulls you into worries, make a note of it, but don’t get caught up in it. I use the notes app on my phone, but paper works just fine.

Then, at a set time each day, sit and reflect on your worries.  Make a flow chart, a diagram, pro/con lists.  Whatever you do, focus on the worries.  Spend 15-20 minutes really digging into your concerns.

At the end of your worry time, take 8-10 mindful breaths as described in #2 and return to your day.

 

4. Recharge

While you are not driving to and from your office, or taking the kids to sports practices, you still have plenty to look after.

Maybe it’s just the podcasts and blogs that I read, but everywhere I turn, there seems to be this hightened pressure to do something phenomenal with this time in isolation.

After all, don’t you know “Shakespeare wrote King Lear while he was quarantined during the plague?” 

Don’t buy into this pressure.  I believe many women are just on the edge of burnout from the fast pace of their lives and the many responsabilities they carry.

Rest.  Pursue your values.  Allow yourself time to feel  your emotions. Connect with your love ones; in person if they live with you or over the internet.

The impression that you should be able to accomplish incredible things during this time can add to anxiety and self criticism.

5. Stay in the Present Moment

Because of the uncertainty about the future and how challenging the current times are, it is natural that your mind would pull you out of the present moment.  However, living too far in the future provokes anxiety.

Listen to music mindfully.

Sip tea slowly.

Smell the scent in your diffuser or from a candle. 

Slow down and be in the present moment.  

 

If you find yourself becoming too stressed or anxious during this time, I encourage you to connect with me. Speaking with a therapist can help you cope with the situation and navigate the days ahead. I am currently able to conduct sessions over the phone or via a secure video platform, so you won’t even have to leave your home to get help.

 

Ten Tips to Have the Best March Break Ever

Ten Tips to Have the Best March Break Ever

by | Mar 4, 2020 | Anxiety, Motherhood, Parenting

March Break is just around the corner, which we know means added stress, expense, and energy being expended – something we as women have in short supply already. But add in excited kids without their normal structure, the pressure and envy we feel over the perfect family trip everyone else seems to be taking, and our own responsibilities that necessitate staying home over spring break and it feels like we are losing before spring break has even begun.

 Often times we think we need something grand to make March break special, but that is simply untrue. The biggest detriment to having the best spring break ever is the baggage we carry with us – we already struggle to balance all of the things in a routine week; it all threatens to self-destruct when the routine is thrown upside down and social pressure makes us think we need to do more.

Rather than allowing social pressures, an internalized sense of failure, or even simple miscommunication with your kids to cause dread over spring break before it has even begun here are ten tips to help you take back the control and have the best March break ever.

 A little planning and a lot of being intentional can make an at-home March break extraordinary – and maybe even your best spring break ever without adding to your own stress.

 10 tips to have the best March Break ever

 

1. My best tip ever for creating something special for the kids is to ask them what they want
Find out directly from them what spring break means to them and the ideas they hold dear. Often times we as moms are bummed out because we can’t do a Disney trip over March break, while what our kids really want is to eat ice cream for breakfast or to have you play a few rounds of Mario Kart with them.

Note: If your child brings up something they want to do but you can’t make happen, that’s ok! Tell them their idea sounds like a lot of fun and, as best you can to their age, explain why it can’t happen right now and redirect their brainstorming to more realistic ideas.

2. Make a list of your responsibilities during spring break
Whether it’s continual care of an elderly loved one, or a demanding work schedule, or the running of a household, make a list of everything that you need to take care of during March break. Once you have your list assess it honestly – is it all necessary? Is it important enough to be dealt with this week or can it move into another week? Knowing what needs to stay – and what can go! – will free your mind up mentally when you have the kids home during March break. They don’t need you every moment, but the moments they do have you – let them have all of you! And you’ll rest easy knowing you planned for this time with them.

3. Simplify as much as you can
This is definitely piggy backing on number two, but it can’t be emphasized enough – if you want to enjoy your children during spring break your life needs to be simplified. Whatever your normal arrangements are – homeschooling, co-op, or traditional day school, your children’s schedule is going to be vastly different during their spring break and yours should lighten up, too, in order to relax and enjoy this time. Write down your commitments and let go of the mental guilt for what you are letting slide for the week.

 

4. Hire help for the week or trade hours with another mom
Considering hiring help for tasks you need done this week – have a big work commitment you must do but are fighting the guilt of putting the kids in front of the tv? Hire an energetic teen to play with your kids and let go of the guilt knowing your kids are having the time of their life! Or perhaps hiring a house cleaner for the week before would give you greater peace of mind. Think through and consider if paying for a service would enhance your spring break experience with your children. Alternatively, there’s likely a mom in your community in a similar situation to you and you could arrange a trade off of watching each other’s children while the other has a few hours to herself.

5. Scope out some free fun things to do for inexpensive ways to get out of the house
Some of the fun things we know are happening can be found here:

 6. Make up a fun tradition to do with your children every day of March break
You might feel overwhelmed and maxed out, but March break is only five week days long. Five days. You can do anything for five days! Why not add a fun ritual for those five days? It can be something silly like eating breakfast under the table every morning, or maybe hot chocolate with a different board game every day.  Pick something simple that you can sustain every day of spring break, and yet something that it is a little out of the ordinary and will just tickle the heart of your child(ren) and make your heart smile, too.

7.  Try different foods each day
Our family has a tradition of buying a new food item from the grocery store every week and it has been SO much fun to expand our world through food. I would highly recommend you find your own way of making this work for your family. One fun way to adopt this during March break would be to try a different ethnic food each day. You could buy pho from a Vietnamese restaurant for supper one night, and the next day try Tamales from a Mexican restaurant for a snack. If that is a little too adventurous for your family, try a different flavour of potato chips or ice cream each day.

8.  Binge watch a show WITH the kids
Maybe you can watch some favourites from when you were a kid and stir up some nostalgia.  Or ask them what show they’d like to watch with you…and really engage in it with them.  Or plan a family movie night wth great snacks.  These are some of my kids’ best memories.


9.  Head to Micheals or the Dollarama and buy fresh supplies for current interests or hobbies
Everyone loves new pencils, notebooks, colouring books or paints – you know what your child is into and loves. Help feed their interest and breath new life into their hobbies with fresh supplies to use during their school break.

10.  Create a reading basket.
Nurturing a habit of reading is really important in our home, and keeping cozy blankets and baskets of interesting books near couches and chairs encourages the kids to grab a book and flip through it.

Approach March Break with the flexibility life demands but also with the intention of fostering a beautiful and fun week with your kids. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be the best March break ever.

 

5 Subtle Exercises to Calm Anxiety in Public

5 Subtle Exercises to Calm Anxiety in Public

by | Oct 25, 2019 | Anxiety

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 40 million adults over the age of 18 suffer from an anxiety disorder. If you are one of them, you know how difficult your life can feel most days.

When anxiety strikes, the world around us can become a sort of funhouse, only not that much fun. It’s important to be able to self-soothe in these instances. But how can you calm an anxiety attack subtly when you’re out in public?

 

Breath Work

As soon as you feel the anxiety coming on, focus intently on your breathing and nothing else. Begin to take slow… deep breaths. Inhale for a slow count of three… hold for a count of three… and exhale for a count of three. Slow deep breaths send a signal to our body that we are not under attack and everything is okay.

 

Talk to Yourself

In your mind, remind yourself that you are having an experience but that you are NOT that experience. While you feel that something is wrong, remind yourself that you are actually safe and all is well.

 

Visualize

Think of something that calms you. This may be your childhood bedroom or your grandparent’s home. It could be your favorite beach or your own bathtub. Simply put yourself IN that space. Use your full imagination to feel yourself there and allow the calm to settle over you.

 

Carry Lavender Oil

Keep a small vile of lavender oil in your purse or pocket and inhale its scent. You can even rub some between your finger and then rub on your temples to calm down.

 

Practice Listening Meditation

If you’ve never tried listening meditation, I highly recommend it for everyone. But it can be especially beneficial when you are feeling anxious, and here’s why. Listening requires you to stop thinking. Try it now. Stop reading and instead listen to all of the ambient sounds there in the room with you, outside the door and window.

What do you hear?

Let your sense of hearing grow and grow, picking up more subtle sounds. The buzz of the lights overhead… the noise of the ice maker… a bee at the window… your dog’s collar down the hall…

It’s actually a very fun exercise to do. And in order to REALLY GIVE SOUND YOUR FULL ATTENTION, you can’t think while listening. It’s a bit like trying to juggle while standing on your hands, it simply cannot be done.

Much of our anxiety comes from our anxious thoughts. It’s our reptilian brain trying to keep us alive by alerting us to all of the dangers around us. But when we meditate, this mind chatter goes away.

 

When an anxiety attack comes on, life can feel unbearable. The next time this happens to you in public, try one or more of these techniques.

And if you’d like to speak with someone about your anxiety, please get in touch. I’d be happy to explore treatment options.

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