by Restore. Renew. Revive. | Nov 16, 2025 | Couples/Marriage, Relationships
Here are two things you should know about me: first, I don’t watch much TV — but when I do, it’s almost always a rom-com or one of those delightfully predictable Hallmark-style movies. Second, sometimes I just can’t help it — my therapist brain switches on.
So when I was scrolling through Prime Video the other night and stumbled across Can You Keep a Secret?, you know it was an easy choice. A little light, a little cheesy, and full of the kind of emotional content that makes my therapist brain perk up.
When Anxious Attachment Strategies Show Up
Emma is a great example of an anxious attachment. When she feels afraid, she doesn’t turn inward to soothe herself — she reaches outward for comfort and reassurance, even if it’s from someone she barely knows. That moment on the plane, when turbulence hits and she starts spilling every personal secret to the stranger beside her, is a perfect snapshot of how anxious attachment shows up under stress.
People with anxious attachment often feel a deep need for connection and reassurance, especially when they sense rejection, distance, or danger. They may cling, overshare, or seek closeness quickly — not because they’re dramatic or needy, but because their nervous system is wired to find safety in closeness.
That moment of sharing gets Emma through the plane ride — her fear softens, her body relaxes, and she feels momentarily connected and safe. But when she realizes that the stranger she’s confided in is actually the CEO of her company, she’s hit with what Brené Brown calls a “vulnerability hangover” — that mix of shame and panic that can follow after we’ve shared more of ourselves than we intended.
For someone with an anxious attachment pattern, that swing from relief to regret can be intense. The very openness that brought comfort now feels like a source of shame or exposure. It captures a familiar experience for many anxiously attached individuals — seeking closeness to ease distress, then feeling panicked about having been “too much” once the storm passes.
The Emotional Withdrawer
The tension in the film builds when Jack accidentally reveals Emma’s intimate secrets in a TV interview, leaving her humiliated and exposed. While her roommate is busy plotting revenge, Emma begins to notice something deeper — that despite everything she’s shared, she actually knows almost nothing about Jack. He’s kept his own life carefully guarded, revealing very little of himself.
From a therapist’s lens, Jack Harper’s secret-keeping isn’t about arrogance or indifference — it’s the move of an emotional withdrawer. In Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we use this term to describe someone who stays guarded or rational when emotions run high.
It’s not that emotional withdrawers don’t feel deeply; it’s that they haven’t had experiences teaching them that sharing their inner world is safe or helpful. At one point, Jack admits he has a hard time trusting people because they’ve always let him down — so he’s learned to keep his emotions private.
Earned Secure Attachment
In attachment theory, we talk about earned secure attachment — what happens when someone who didn’t grow up with consistent safety or emotional attunement later develops those capacities through healing experiences, often in therapy or through supportive, emotionally responsive relationships.
It’s called earned because it’s developed through intentional growth, reflection, and corrective emotional experiences — not inherited or automatic.
It’s not that traces of old attachment patterns disappear — the fears, the instincts to shut down or cling — but someone with earned secure attachment has learned to recognize and regulate these responses. They can talk about emotions with more balance, offer empathy to others, and stay connected even when relationships feel uncertain.
As the story unfolds, Jack’s calm, grounded energy becomes an emotional anchor for Emma. When she feels awkward or self-conscious, Jack listens. He doesn’t rush to fix her — he’s simply there.
Jack doesn’t try to get Emma to be less emotional; he meets her with presence. That safety helps her regulate herself — and eventually, she learns to trust that love doesn’t disappear when she’s authentic.
And that’s one of the simplest but most powerful hallmarks of a securely attached relationship:You can bring your full self — messy, nervous, vulnerable — and still feel accepted.
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When You’re Loved, Flaws and All
There’s a line near the end of Can You Keep a Secret? that makes my therapist heart happy. Emma says:
“My whole life I always based my value on what other people thought of me. I met you, and I told you everything about me. I told you all my secrets, and you didn’t leave. Even though you knew all my goofiness and my weirdness and all my fears and insecurities… you didn’t leave. I didn’t know anything about you, but it didn’t matter, because I knew your heart. You made me believe that I could be loved just by being myself.”
That perfectly describes what secure attachment feels like — to be completely known, flaws and all, and still feel loved and accepted.
When we’re securely attached, we don’t have to keep proving our worth or hide the parts of ourselves we fear are “too much” or “not enough.” Love becomes a place of safety, not performance.
That’s the transformation Emma experiences — she moves from chasing approval to allowing herself to be seen. The miracle isn’t that Jack loves her; it’s that she finally believes she’s lovable, even when she’s fully herself.
That’s the heartbeat of secure attachment:
Being known, being accepted, and realizing that love doesn’t disappear when you show up as the real you.
From Protection to Connection
By the end of the movie, we see a shift in Jack too. He walks to the back of the plane where Emma is seated and finally begins to open up. As the plane takes off, he admits that he’s deeply afraid of flying.
And what does Emma do? She responds to this reach. She holds him, kisses him, and says, “Keep talking.”
That moment captures what emotional safety feels like — Emma helping him ride out his fear, but not alone.
That’s the essence of secure attachment: emotions met with empathy instead of judgment. Both partners feel safe to be vulnerable, to be themselves, and to know they are loved as they are.
“Too Much” and “Not Enough”
One of the reasons I appreciate the model of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy is that it invites clients to walk into painful emotions they’ve worked hard to avoid, so those emotions can finally heal.
In Stage 2 of EFT, once the negative cycle has been de-escalated, we explore how early experiences shaped people’s views of themselves and others.
Maybe you learned that emotions were “a problem,” and that being emotional made you too much for others — so you learned to stay cheerful or quiet to keep the peace. Over time, you began to believe that vulnerability drives people away.
Or perhaps every time you turned to someone for comfort, you were belittled or ignored. Your nervous system learned there was no safety in reaching for another, so you taught yourself to manage alone.
We carry these working models of ourselves and others — often formed in childhood — into adult relationships. Humans are resourceful and resilient; we find ways to cope, even if those strategies aren’t always healthy or helpful. When these old wounds show up in adult love, they often fuel the negative cycles that distressed couples get stuck in.
What This Means for Real-Life Relationships
When we start to understand our emotional patterns, we can begin to respond differently — not just to others, but to ourselves. Self-regulation is important, but co-regulation is just as powerful.
In a landmark study, researcher Dr. Jim Coan asked women to lie in an MRI scanner while small electrical shocks were occasionally delivered to their ankles. Their brain activity was measured as they faced the threat of pain — once while alone, once while holding a stranger’s hand, and once while holding their partner’s hand.
The results were striking: when they held the hand of a trusted, securely attached partner, the parts of the brain responsible for fear and distress showed dramatically less activation. Simply being with someone safe changed their experience of threat.
This beautifully illustrates what attachment science — and EFT — teaches us: we’re wired to co-regulate. When we feel securely connected, our nervous system calms. Safety in relationship literally changes how the brain experiences danger.
Ready to Build More Emotional Security?
If you’re craving more calm, connection, and confidence in your relationships, therapy can help.
I help individuals and couples understand their attachment patterns and learn new ways of connecting that feel secure, grounded, and real.
Book a free consultation or read more about how Emotionally Focused Therapy can help you build the safety and trust you’ve been looking for.
by Restore. Renew. Revive. | Feb 3, 2025 | Couples/Marriage, Relationships
If you’ve landed on this page after searching for help with repeated cycles of negative communication in your romantic relationship, it’s likely that you often feel like you and your partner are speaking different emotional languages. Maybe you crave reassurance while they pull away, or you struggle to express your needs without feeling ‘too needy’ so you keep things to yourself. These frustrating patterns often stem from something deeper—your attachment styles.
The way we connect with others emotionally, shaped by early experiences, plays a powerful role in our relationships. When attachment styles clash, couples can get stuck in negative cycles of miscommunication, emotional distance, or conflict. While those with a secure attachment find it easier to express their needs and trust their partner, others with anxious or avoidant attachment may struggle with fears of rejection, withdrawal, or feeling unheard.
The good news? Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) helps couples break these cycles by uncovering the emotions and unmet needs driving their interactions. By learning to recognize emotional triggers and express your needs in a healthy way, you and your partner can build a stronger, more secure connection—one where both of you feel heard, valued, and supported.
If you’ve ever wondered about your own attachment style and how it might impact your romantic relationship, this post will help you gain greater clarity about your negative cycle and how you might be able to build a new positive cycle of connection.
What is Attachment Theory?
Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, looks at a child’s bond with their primary caregiver and its influence on their emotional development and future relationships. Bowlby believed this early bond was a blueprint for how individuals approach and navigate relationships. The responsiveness and consistency of a parent/caregiver’s behavior play a crucial role in shaping the child’s sense of security, trust, and emotional well-being, even into adulthood.
When a child experiences a strong, consistent bond with a loving caregiver, they are more likely to develop a secure attachment style. This means they learn to trust others, express their emotions openly, and form healthy, balanced relationships in adulthood. Securely attached individuals tend to feel comfortable with intimacy and independence. This allows them to communicate vulnerablely, connect deeply with others, and believe the best about their “special person.”
On the other hand, if a child’s bond with their caregiver is inconsistent, neglectful, or emotionally unavailable, the child may develop an insecure attachment style. This can lead to emotional disregulation, lack of trust, and communication difficulties in future relationships. For example, a child whose parent is not consistent in their responsiveness to them or whose behaviour causes the child to feel that love is conditional on their performance may develop an anxious attachment style, where they constantly seek reassurance and fear rejection. Alternatively, a child who has an emotionally distant parent/caregiver who rarely is attuned to them and is often preoccupied with their own needs may develop an avoidant attachment style, where they struggle to be vulnerable or rely on others. A disorganized attachment style (also known as fearful-avoidant attachment) is most often developed as a response to trauma when a child’s parent/caregiver, who is their only source of safety, also becomes a source of fear. This leads to behaviors that have traits of both the avoidant and the anxiously attached and sends very mixed and confusing signals (come here and go away!).
While not everyone who experiences the situations mentioned above will develop an insecure attachment style, these descriptions can help people make better sense of themselves and their emotional responses in relationships. This awareness is essential because attachment styles can impact romantic partnerships, friendships, work relationships, and even how we parent our children.
The most hopeful part of my work with clients is that shifting from insecure attachment patterns to more secure ones is possible. It is possible for people who have lived many years with insecure attachments to learn to foster healthier relationships and deeper emotional connections with themselves and others.
Common Attachment Styles in Relationships:
- Secure: Comfortable with emotions, intimacy, and healthy communication.
- Anxious: Fears abandonment, craves reassurance and may become emotionally overwhelmed.
- Avoidant: Prioritizes independence, struggles with vulnerability, and avoids emotional closeness.
- Disorganized: A mix of anxious and avoidant, leading to confusing and mixed signals (come here and go away!).
How Attachment Styles Affect Relationships
Attachment styles can shape how we connect with our romantic partners. This is most often apparent in how one communicates, manages conflict, and expresses emotional needs. It also influences how comfortable one feels with vulnerability and how one reacts when experiencing emotional distress in a relationship.
For instance, individuals with an anxious attachment style tend to be more sensitive to signs of potential rejection or abandonment. They often seek constant reassurance and closeness from their partner to alleviate their insecurities. While this is an attempt to feel secure, it can overwhelm their partner, especially if the partner has an avoidant attachment style. Avoidant individuals are more likely to pull away when they feel too emotionally overwhelmed or confined. They often prefer to work through their emotional challenges independently and prioritize independence. They may struggle to understand or meet the emotional demands of an anxious partner, leading to frustration and distance.
This mismatch between the anxious partner’s need for reassurance and the avoidant partner’s need for space can create tension and misunderstanding. The anxious partner might feel ignored or unloved when their closeness needs are unmet. In contrast, the avoidant partner may feel excluded or criticized for being emotionally unavailable. Over time, this dynamic can result in emotional burnout, resentment, and communication breakdowns. Both partners may feel frustrated, misunderstood, and emotionally disconnected from each other, even though both are trying to meet their needs in the relationship.
On the other hand, individuals with a secure attachment style tend to have a healthier balance between intimacy and independence. They are more comfortable expressing their needs and emotions while respecting their partner’s boundaries. This allows for more transparent communication and a deeper understanding of each other’s needs, reducing the likelihood of miscommunications or emotional overwhelm. Securely attached partners are more likely to navigate conflict calmly and constructively, reinforcing trust and connection.
Understanding attachment styles and how they influence relationship behavior is essential for creating a healthy, supportive partnership. By recognizing and addressing these dynamics, couples can break the cycle of misunderstanding and work toward a more harmonious and fulfilling relationship.
Is Your Attachment Style Impacting Your Relationship?
- Secure: You’re comfortable with your emotions, and your relationship feels stable.
- Anxious: You often seek reassurance or worry about your partner’s feelings.
- Avoidant: You feel distant even when the relationship is good.
- Disorganized: You crave closeness but fear intimacy.
Recognize this Pattern?
After an argument, an anxiously attached partner typically wishes to solve the disagreement immediately. In contrast, an avoidant partner may need time to themselves. The more anxious partner (also called a pursuer in EFCT) continues to try to resolve the disagreement. In contrast, the more avoidant partner (a withdrawer in EFCT) repeatedly tries to get space or end the conversation. This further causes the couple to clash, and neither partner’s needs can be met.
Partner A: Do you love me? (Accusing tone.)
Partner B: Of course I do. How many times have I told you?
Partner A: Well, it doesn’t feel like it. (Tears, looks down, turns away.)
Partner B: (Sighs, exasperated.) Well, maybe you have a problem then. I can’t help it if you don’t feel loved. (Set mouth, lecturing tone.)
Partner A: Right. So it’s my problem, is it? Nothing to do with you, right? Nothing to do with your ten feet thick walls. You’re an emotional cripple. You’ve never felt a real emotion in your life.
Partner B: I refuse to talk to you when you get like this. So irrational. There is no point.
Partner A: Right. This is what always happens. You put up your wall. You go icy. Till I get tired and give up. Then, after a while, when you want sex, you decide that I am not quite so bad after all.
Partner B: There is no point in talking to you. This is a shooting gallery. You’re so aggressive.
*from Dr. Sue Johson’s book Hold Me Tight
Recognize Yourself?
Examples of Attachment Styles in Relationships:
Do you find yourself…
Comfortable with expressing your emotions/needs?
Trusting that your relationship is stable and strong?
Being able to balance both independence and closeness?
You likely have a secure attachment style.
Constantly seeking reassurance?
Assuming the worst?
Being overly preoccupied with your partner’s feelings and behaviors?
You likely have an anxious attachment style.
Struggling to be vulnerable?
Feeling distant or wanting distance, even when the relationship is good?
Prioritizing independence?
You likely have an avoidant attachment style.
Seeking closeness but also afraid of intimacy?
Not trusting others?
Feeling confused or overwhelmed?
You likely have a disorganized attachment style.
EFCT: A Path to a Healthier Relationship
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) helps partners understand and manage emotions, strengthening bonds. Developed in the 1980s by Dr. Sue Johnson, EFT focuses on recognizing, expressing, and transforming emotions to create lasting change. It’s especially effective for couples with insecure attachment styles.
The Goals of EFCT:
Like any therapeutic approach, EFCT has specific goals:
1. To Gain Awareness: “What do I long for when acting like this?” “What is the primary (more vulnerable emotion) I feel right now?” “What was the trigger (what happened right before I felt or reacted this way)
2. Encourage More Clear Expression of Needs: “When this happens, inside I feel (name of primary emotion). I recognize when I feel this way, sometimes I (protective emotional strategy). It would help me if you could/we could (healthy emotional response).
3. To Create greater Emotional Responsiveness, the partner:
✔ Acknowledges the emotion (“I hear you… you’re feeling anxious and unsure.”)
✔ Offers reassurance (“You haven’t done anything wrong.”)
✔ Reaffirms the connection (“How can I be there for you?”)
4. Repair From Attachment Injuries (A betrayal of trust/abandonment at a crucial moment of need.)
EFCT can help foster the development of a secure attachment style. An anxious partner can learn to self-soothe, while an avoidant partner can learn to express vulnerability. Throughout this process, partners can learn to meet and understand each other’s emotional needs. EFCT has proven helpful in identifying and stopping the negative cycle associated with differing attachment styles that may be causing conflicts within interpersonal relationships.
by Restore. Renew. Revive. | May 20, 2023 | Couples/Marriage
Couples Therapy: Strengthening Your Relationship Through Professional Support
Couples therapy, also known as couples counseling or relationship therapy, is a valuable resource for couples who want to enhance their relationship, resolve conflicts, and strengthen their bond. Whether you are facing specific challenges or simply seeking to improve communication and intimacy, couples therapy can provide a supportive and structured environment for growth.
Couples therapy can be a powerful change agent, there is no doubt about it. I have seen couples go from nearly ending their relationships to being back in love, and liking and respecting each other.
What do these successful couples do? The couples I have seen recover from marital issues and form an even stronger union have all had certain things in common. Here are some ways you and your partner can set yourselves up for success.
The Benefits of Couples Therapy
Couples therapy offers numerous benefits that can positively impact your relationship:
Enhanced Communication: Couples therapy helps you and your partner improve your communication skills, fostering understanding, empathy, and effective dialogue. It can help you become more reflective about they ways that you contribute to breakdowns in communication in your relationship and develop new ways of sending more clear signals about your needs.
Decreased Stress: Couples who have gone through Emotionally Focused Couples therapy are resources for each other during times of stress and can lessen the brains’ experience of pain. In studies examining the impact of hand holding while being administered a shock while the study participant was in an MRI scanning machine, found that the brain registered less distress when these connected couples were holding hands.
Strengthen Intimacy: Intimacy requires vulnerability and the ability to share your true thoughts, feelings, and desires with your partner. Couples therapy offers a safe space where both partners can express themselves honestly without fear of judgment or criticism. A skilled therapist can create an environment that encourages openness, allowing you and your partner to explore vulnerable topics and address emotional barriers that may hinder emotional and physical intimacy. Research shows that the gains in intimacy made through Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy endure over time.
Improved Problem-Solving: Through couples therapy, you can develop problem-solving skills that allow you to tackle challenges as a team, fostering a sense of unity and collaboration.
Relationship Enrichment: Even if your relationship is generally healthy, couples therapy can still be beneficial for enhancing your connection, exploring shared goals, and deepening your commitment to each other.
How to Benefit From Couples Therapy
1. Be Open and Honest
To maximize the benefits of couples therapy, it is crucial to be open and honest with your therapist and your partner. Share your thoughts, feelings, and concerns openly, and be receptive to feedback and insights from your therapist. It’s particularly important if there has been infidelity or other breaches of trust (financial, substance misuse, etc.) that these things not be held in secret from your partner. Honesty creates a foundation of trust and allows the therapy process to address the core issues effectively.
2. Commit to the Process
Couples therapy requires commitment from both partners. Attend sessions regularly and be prepared to invest time and effort in the therapy process. Many people come to couples therapy when their relationships are very distressed and get discouraged if significant changes have’t taken place within the first few sessions. It took time for your relationship to become strained and disconnected and for the negative cycle you are stuck in presently to become so entrenched. It will take some time for your relationship to recover. Be patient.
3. Implement Strategies Outside of Therapy
Apply the strategies and tools discussed in therapy to your daily lives outside of the therapy sessions. Actively incorporate healthier communication patterns, conflict resolution techniques, and intimacy-building activities into your relationship. Consistent practice and application will help solidify positive changes and reinforce the progress made in therapy.
During your sessions, your therapist will help facilitate respectful and effective communication and give you tools to get the same results at home. But it is up to YOU to use these tools at home. Your relationship will not be “fixed” during the one hour sessions we have together, it will be fixed from the work you both do on your own time. The point of therapy is to learn how to navigate obstacles and conflict as they arise in everyday life outside of the therapist’s office.
There are many great resources for couples to explore outside of the therapy room. Here are a few of my favourites:
Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson
An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples
The Real Imhoffs Podcast
4. Maintain Realistic Expectations
Couples therapy is not a magical fix that instantly resolves all issues. It is a process that takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself, your partner, and the therapy process. Understand that progress may come in small steps and setbacks are normal. Trust the process and stay committed to the journey of growth and improvement.
Conclusion
Couples therapy provides a valuable opportunity for couples to strengthen their relationship, resolve conflicts, and enhance their overall well-being. By being open, committed, and actively engaging in the therapy process, you and your partner can maximize the benefits and create lasting positive changes in your relationship. Embrace the support and guidance of a qualified couples therapist and embark on a journey of growth and transformation.
Remember, couples therapy is an investment in your relationship and your future together. Embrace the opportunity to nurture and strengthen your connection, and watch your relationship thrive.
If you and your partner are ready to enhance the level of intimacy in your relationship and strengthen your bond, Restore Renew Revive counselling & couples therapy is here to support you. Our experienced therapist specialize in helping couples overcome challenges, improve communication, and deepen their intimacy.
Take the first step towards a more connected and fulfilling relationship by calling us today at 902-702-7722 to schedule a consultation. You can also visit our website at https://restorecounselling.ca to learn more about our services and how we can assist you on your journey to greater intimacy.
Don’t let distance or barriers hold you back from improving your relationship. At Restore Renew Revive counselling & couples therapy, we offer online sessions for clients living in Nova Scotia and New Brunswick, providing you with convenience and flexibility.
Invest in your relationship and discover the transformative power of couples therapy. Contact Restore Renew Revive counselling & couples therapy today to embark on a path towards a stronger, more intimate connection.
by Restore. Renew. Revive. | May 20, 2023 | Couples/Marriage
Improving Your Romantic Relationship: Nurturing Love and Connection
Building and maintaining a strong romantic relationship can be challenging. Many couples find themselves facing obstacles that create distance and hinder intimacy. The demands of daily life, work-related stress, communication issues, and a lack of quality time can all contribute to a sense of disconnect and dissatisfaction in the relationship. If you’re feeling like your relationship is lacking the closeness and intimacy it once had, you’re not alone. In this article, we will explore effective strategies to address these challenges and build intimacy with your partner. By implementing these strategies, you can create a foundation of love, trust, and connection that will help you improve and strengthen your romantic relationship. While it’s common for all couples to go through “the blahs,” you don’t have to resign yourself to staying there. Read on to find out how to build intimacy with your partner.
The Importance of Building Intimacy
Intimacy forms the foundation of a strong and fulfilling romantic relationship. It encompasses emotional, physical, and intellectual closeness, fostering a deep sense of connection and understanding between partners. Building intimacy is crucial for maintaining a healthy and thriving relationship.
3 Ways to Build Intimacy with Your Partner
1. Prioritize Quality Communication to Improve Intimacy
Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. To build intimacy with your partner, it is essential to prioritize quality communication:
Active and Intentional Listening: Truly listening to your partner’s thoughts, feelings, and concerns without interruption or judgment is key to fostering intimacy. Practice active listening by giving your undivided attention, maintaining eye contact, and reflecting back on what your partner has shared. Thanks to the proliferation of digital media and mobile devices, we live in a world that seems to demand that we all become proficient multitaskers. The problem with this is, it’s hard to shut off this instinct. Most of us are hardly able to have a conversation with a loved one without checking our social media pages or texting a co-worker. This inability to STOP and focus on just being with our partner can absolutely kill intimacy.
Expressing Vulnerability: Sharing your thoughts, emotions, and vulnerabilities with your partner deepens intimacy. Create a safe space for open and honest communication, allowing both of you to express yourselves authentically without fear of judgment or criticism.
Appreciate All They Do: It’s entirely too easy to take our loved ones for granted. Reconnecting requires that we appreciate who they are and all that they do in our lives.
Think of some things that you appreciate about your partner and thank them. Perhaps they always take out the trash without being asked. Maybe they bring you a cup of coffee in the morning when you first wake up, or they do the dishes every night. Take the time to recognize their efforts and thank them from the heart. You will both feel great.
Regular Check-Ins: Set aside dedicated time to check in with each other regularly. Use this time to discuss your feelings, desires, and any issues that may arise. Regular check-ins promote ongoing emotional connection and prevent misunderstandings from escalating. If you struggle to know what to say during these check ins, there are some structured ways you can do that. Explore the Gottman Card Deck to help you talk about everything from your hope and dreams to sexual fantasies. If you are looking for a creative way to talk about sharing the load and household duties check out the Fair Play card deck.
2. Cultivate Shared Experiences to Build Intimacy
Shared experiences play a significant role in building intimacy. By creating moments of connection and shared joy, you can strengthen your bond with your partner:
Quality Time: Carve out intentional time to spend together, free from distractions. Engage in activities that you both enjoy and that foster connection, such as cooking together, taking walks, or planning date nights. The key is to prioritize dedicated time for one another. Here is a list of 25 date night ideas.
Adventure and Exploration: Explore new activities or hobbies together. This shared sense of adventure creates opportunities for growth and creates lasting memories. Whether it’s trying a new sport, taking a trip, or learning something new, shared experiences can deepen your connection.
Have Fun: Sure, building intimacy is important, but you don’t have to be so serious about it! One of the absolute best ways to reconnect with your partner is to laugh with them. This is especially true for people who have been together for quite a few years. You forget who each other used to be. But by experiencing novel and interesting activities together, you can learn new things about each other and see your relationship in a new light.
Emotional Support: Be there for each other during both the ups and downs of life. Show empathy, offer comfort, and provide a listening ear. Being emotionally supportive strengthens intimacy and builds trust between partners.
3. Nurture Physical Intimacy
Physical intimacy is an essential aspect of romantic relationships and contributes to overall relationship satisfaction. Here are some ways to nurture physical intimacy:
Affectionate Touch: Regularly engage in non-sexual physical touch, such as holding hands, hugging, or cuddling. These gestures foster a sense of closeness and connection.
Intimacy Rituals: Create rituals that enhance physical intimacy, such as kissing goodbye and goodnight, or initiating regular moments of intimacy and affection. These rituals help maintain a sense of desire and passion in your relationship.
Open Communication about Sexual Needs: Discussing your sexual needs openly and honestly with your partner can foster a deeper understanding of each other’s desires and boundaries. This communication helps create a safe and fulfilling sexual connection. If you’re interested in exploring more about female pleasure OMGYes, based on a large scale research conducted on female pleasure may be just what you need.
Conclusion
Improving your romantic relationship is a journey of continuous growth and investment. By prioritizing quality communication, cultivating shared experiences, and nurturing physical intimacy, you can build a deeper and more fulfilling connection with your partner. Remember, building intimacy requires ongoing effort and commitment from both partners, but the rewards are well worth it. Embrace these strategies and watch your relationship flourish and thrive.
If you and your partner are looking to improve your relationship and build a stronger sense of intimacy, Restore Renew Revive counselling & couples therapy is here to support you. Our experienced therapist specialize in helping couples enhance their connection and navigate challenges together.
Give us a call today at 902-702-7722 to schedule a consultation and take the first step towards restoring and renewing your relationship. You can also visit our website at https://restorecounselling.ca to learn more about our services and how we can assist you on your journey towards a happier and healthier relationship.
Don’t wait to invest in your relationship. Reach out to Restore Renew Revive counselling & couples therapy today and embark on a path towards a more fulfilling and intimate partnership.
by Restore. Renew. Revive. | May 20, 2023 | Couples/Marriage
The Power of Couples Therapy: Strengthening Relationships and Nurturing Bonds
Couples therapy has proven to be a transformative tool for countless couples, providing them with the guidance and support they need to overcome challenges and cultivate a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. With advancements in technology, online couples counseling has emerged as a convenient and accessible option for couples seeking help. In this article, we will explore the benefits of couples therapy and address the question: Does online couples counselling work?
Understanding Couples Therapy: A Path to Growth and Healing
Couples therapy, also known as couples counseling or relationship counseling, is a specialized form of therapy designed to help couples address and resolve conflicts, improve communication, rebuild trust, and deepen their emotional connection. It provides a safe and supportive space for partners to express their feelings, explore underlying issues, and work towards shared goals. However, with the challenges to find time, baby sitters, conflicting work hours and the daily grind it can be hard to get both partners together in an in person setting and may couples often wonder, does does online couple’s therapy work? Could this be an option for us?
At Restore Renew Revive, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), a highly respected and evidence-based approach to couples therapy, developed by Dr. Sue Johnson is used with couples. This therapy is rooted in attachment theory, focuses on reshaping the emotional dynamics between partners. It aims to create a secure and strong emotional connection by helping couples recognize and change negative patterns of interaction. The therapist works collaboratively with the couple to identify the underlying emotions and needs that drive these patterns.
What is Online Couple’s Therapy?
With the advent of technology, online couples counseling has gained popularity as a convenient alternative to traditional in-person therapy. Through secure video conferencing platforms, couples can engage in therapy sessions from the comfort of their own homes.
Online couples therapy offers the same benefits as face-to-face therapy, with the added convenience and privacy of getting the help and support you need at home. Usually, sessions are held via video chat and with the couple in the same location. However, unlike in person counselling, it is possible to do sessions when partners are in different locations.
Online EFT couples therapy is delivered in the same way as in person therapy would be and the therapist does nearly everything online that they do in person. The therapist may need to ask you to adjust you lighting, camera angle or volume for being able to see and hear you optimally, but once these adjustments are made and everyone feels comfortable, there is no real difference in how sessions are conducted. None the less, many people wonder, does online couples therapy work?
The Benefits of Online Couples Therapy
Couples therapy offers a range of benefits that can positively impact a relationship:
Enhanced Communication: Effective communication lies at the heart of any successful relationship. Couples therapy provides tools and techniques to improve communication patterns, allowing partners to express themselves more openly and honestly.
Conflict Resolution: Conflicts are a natural part of any relationship, but unresolved issues can lead to resentment and distance. Couples therapy equips couples with conflict resolution skills, helping them navigate disagreements and find mutually satisfying resolutions.
Rebuilding Trust: Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Whether trust has been broken due to infidelity, breaches of boundaries, or other reasons, couples therapy provides a supportive environment to rebuild trust and establish a more secure bond.
Strengthening Intimacy: Emotional and physical intimacy are vital components of a fulfilling partnership. Couples therapy fosters a deeper understanding of each other’s needs and desires, reigniting passion and intimacy in the relationship.
Does Online Couples Therapy Work?
The effectiveness of online couples counselling largely depends on the commitment and active participation of both partners. Numerous studies have shown that online therapy can be just as effective as in-person therapy for a variety of mental health concerns, including relationship issues.
Many couples prefer online therapy as opposed to face-to-face therapy because it’s easier to make appointments times work for those with busy schedules, young children, health challenges or who live in geographically isolated areas.
Online therapy offers several advantages:
Accessibility: Online couples counseling eliminates geographical limitations, allowing couples to access therapy services regardless of their location. This is particularly beneficial for couples in remote areas or those with limited mobility.
Convenience: Online therapy offers flexible scheduling options, making it easier for couples to find mutually convenient times for sessions. It eliminates the need for travel time and provides the flexibility to engage in therapy from anywhere with an internet connection. Parents of young children don’t need to find a sitter to be able to attend sessions thus reducing the time and costs involved. At Restore Renew Revive, we offer evening appointments and many couples report they find it very convenient to put their kids to bed and then attend a therapy session together.
Comfort and Privacy: Some couples may feel more at ease discussing sensitive or personal topics from the comfort of their own environment. Online therapy provides a sense of privacy and reduces potential discomfort associated with face-to-face sessions.
Continuity of Care: Online couples counselling ensures uninterrupted therapy even during challenging circumstances, such as travel, work commitments, or illness. It allows couples to maintain their progress and receive ongoing support.
While online couples counselling has its benefits, it’s important to choose a reputable and licensed therapist who specializes in couples therapy. A qualified professional will have the skills and expertise to facilitate meaningful change and guide couples towards healthier, more satisfying relationships.
When Online Couples Therapy is Not a Good Idea
While online couples therapy can be very effective and beneficial to a majority of couples, there are those situations when it would not be suitable.
Untreated trauma:In the case where one partner has significant trauma and experiences frequent dissociation or other trauma reactions and they have few skills to cope.
Poor Internet Access:If the couple has outdated technology, lives in a remote area and can’t access the internet
Mistrust of Technology: If one or both partners distrusts technology or feels anxious about sharing over the internet this might be a challenging barrier to overcome to establish comfort during sessions.
No Private Space: If a couple were living in a situation with no privacy and had no access to a private space for their sessions. This is often overcome by having the session in a bedroom or other quiet space and playing music or white noise outside of the door to dampen the sounds of voices or scheduling the call when no one else will be at home. At Restore Renew Revive we offer daytime, afternoon, evening and weekend appointment times which can help couples find a quiet time in the home.
Again, for a majority of couples, online therapy can be very beneficial and even preferred.
Conclusion
Couples therapy can be a transformative experience, helping couples navigate challenges, improve communication, and build stronger connections. With the accessibility and convenience of online couples counselling, couples can now seek support regardless of their location or circumstances. Online counselling does work and couples therapy holds the potential to restore harmony and create a lasting, fulfilling partnership.
If you and your partner are seeking support to strengthen your emotional bond and enhance your relationship, Restore Renew Revive counselling & couples therapy is here to help. Our experienced therapist, Marcy Daniels MSW, RSW specializes in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, a proven approach that can transform your relationship.
Give us a call today at 902-702-7722 to schedule a consultation and take the first step towards restoring and renewing your connection. You can also visit our website at https://restorecounselling.ca to learn more about our services and how we can support you on your journey to a healthier and happier relationship. We serve couples located in Nova Scotia and New Brunswick.
Don’t wait to nurture your love and build a solid foundation. Reach out to Restore Renew Revive counselling & couples therapy today and experience the transformative power of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy.
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by Restore. Renew. Revive. | May 20, 2023 | Couples/Marriage
Experiencing a miscarriage is a devastating and emotionally challenging event for any couple. The pain and grief that follow can be overwhelming, leaving them feeling isolated and unsure of how to navigate their loss. As a caring friend or family member, it’s crucial to provide the right support and understanding during this difficult time. However, knowing how to help and offer comfort may be a daunting task. In this article, we will discuss how best to support a loved one after a miscarriage and provide guidance on how to be there for them in their journey of healing and recovery.
Understanding Grief and Emotions
Miscarriage can evoke a range of intense emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion. It’s essential to recognize that everyone grieves differently, and there is no “right” way to feel. Allow your loved one the space to express their emotions and validate their feelings without judgment. Be patient and understanding, as the grieving process may take time as you help support your loved one after a miscarriage.
Offering Empathy and a Listening Ear
One of the most powerful ways to support a loved one after a miscarriage is to be a compassionate listener. Create a safe and non-judgmental environment for them to share their thoughts and feelings. Let them know that you are there to listen whenever they need to talk, whether it’s immediately after the loss or in the weeks and months that follow.
Respecting Their Privacy and Boundaries
While it’s important to offer support, it’s equally crucial to respect their need for privacy and personal space. Some individuals may prefer to grieve privately, while others may feel comforted by sharing their experience with trusted friends and family. Respect their boundaries and follow their lead regarding how much they want to share about their loss.
Providing Practical Support
Practical support can be immensely helpful during this challenging time. Offer specific assistance such as preparing meals, running errands, or helping with household chores. By taking care of some of their daily responsibilities, you can alleviate some of the stress and allow your loved one to focus on healing both physically and emotionally.
Avoiding Hurtful or Insensitive Comments
Be mindful of your words and avoid making insensitive or hurtful comments. It’s important to steer clear of phrases like “it was meant to be” or “you can try again.” Instead, offer words of empathy, such as “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “I’m here for you.” Simply acknowledging their pain can provide comfort and validation. Being sensitive with your comments is critical to helping a loved one after a miscarriage.
Remembering Important Dates
Miscarriage anniversaries and due dates can be especially challenging for those who have experienced pregnancy loss. Make an effort to remember these significant dates and reach out to your loved one during those times. A simple message or gesture can show them that you care and that their loss is not forgotten.
Encouraging Professional Support
Suggesting professional support, such as counseling or support groups, can be beneficial for someone navigating the complexities of pregnancy loss. These resources offer a safe space for individuals to process their emotions, share their experiences, and connect with others who have gone through similar situations. Encourage your loved one to seek out these resources if they feel it would be helpful.
Postpartum Support /international offers wonderful support groups for women who have experienced loss
There are also some great podcasts on pregnancy loss
The Miscarriage Therapist
Beyond the Loss
Sisters in Loss
Confessions of a Grieving Mother
Conclusion
If you’re seeking compassionate support and guidance to help you navigate the emotional journey of coping with miscarriage or infertility, look no further than Restore Renew Revive counselling & couples therapy. Marcy is certified in perinatal mental health (PMH-C) and can provide you with the understanding and care you need during this challenging time.
Give us a call today at 902-702-7722 to schedule an appointment and take the first step towards healing. Visit our website at https://restorecounselling.ca to learn more about our services and how we can support you and your partner on your path to recovery.
Remember, you don’t have to face this alone. Let Restore Renew Revive be your trusted partner in finding solace, strength, and renewed hope. Reach out to us today
