Psychotherapy (often referred to simply as therapy) can be a powerful vehicle for personal transformation. By speaking with a trained therapist in a safe and confidential environment, a person has the opportunity to explore their inner world and gain an understanding of their behaviours. This blog aims to share about the different types of therapy that are offered at Restore Renew Revive.
Research has now shown that individual psychotherapy can be highly effective at improving the symptoms of a wide range of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety and it can also be beneficial for families, couples and groups.
There is much evidence that points to the therapeutic relationship being very important, if not the most important element in successful therapy. For this reason, I encourage you to read more about me to decide if you resonate with who I am as a person. I also offer free 15 minute new client phone consultation calls so we can discuss this at greater length whether we’d be a good fit to work together.
In addition to the therapeutic relationship, people are also often curious about the types of therapy that I am trained in. Because I have been practicing as a clinical social worker for 16 years, I have had the opportunity to learn many different modalities of therapy, some of which I love and continue to use and others that I have drifted away from over time. Here are some of the types of therapy offered at Restore Renew Revive so that you can become more familiar with the ways that I currently practice to give you some idea of what therapy sessions would feel like.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a type of psychotherapy that helps people develop greater psychological flexibility and resilience. The goal of ACT is to help individuals live more fully in the present moment, while also recognizing and accepting the challenges and difficulties of life.
ACT is based on the principle that psychological suffering is caused by attempts to control or avoid negative thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Rather than trying to eliminate these experiences, ACT helps individuals learn to accept them and develop greater emotional resilience.
In an ACT session, the therapist will help the individual identify the values that are most important to them, and work to align their actions and behaviors with those values. The therapist may use a variety of techniques, including mindfulness exercises, cognitive restructuring, and behavior activation.
One key component of ACT is the use of metaphors and experiential exercises to help individuals develop a new perspective on their thoughts and emotions. For example, a therapist may use the metaphor of a bus driver to help an individual learn to observe their thoughts and emotions without being controlled by them.
The ultimate goal of ACT is to help individuals develop greater psychological flexibility, so that they can live a more meaningful and fulfilling life. ACT has been shown to be effective for a variety of mental health concerns, including anxiety, depression, stress, overwhelm and negative self-image.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) is a type of couples therapy created by a leading Canadian psychologist, Dr. Sue Johnson, about 30 years ago while she was at the University of British Columbia. It is an evidence based therapy, backed by extensive research that focuses on the emotional bonds between partners. The goal of EFT is to help couples improve their emotional connection and build a stronger, more resilient relationship.
EFT is based on the idea that the emotional bond between partners is the foundation of a healthy relationship. When this bond is strong, couples are better able to navigate challenges and build a strong sense of trust and intimacy.
In an EFT session, the therapist will work with the couple to identify the negative patterns of interaction that are causing emotional disconnection. The therapist will then help the couple develop new patterns of communication and behavior that promote emotional safety and closeness.
EFT is a structured therapy that typically involves 10-20 sessions. The therapist will work with the couple to identify their specific relationship goals and develop a treatment plan that addresses their unique needs.
One key component of EFT is the use of emotion-focused interventions. These interventions help couples identify and express their emotions in a safe and supportive environment. By learning to express their emotions more effectively, couples are better able to communicate their needs and build a stronger emotional bond.
EFT has been shown to be an effective treatment for a variety of relationship problems, including communication difficulties, infidelity, and intimacy issues.
Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy
Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT) is a type of therapy that is based on the principles of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which is typically used to help couples improve their relationships. However, EFIT is designed for individuals who are struggling with emotional distress, such as depression, anxiety, trauma, or other mental health issues.
The goal of EFIT is to help individuals develop a deeper understanding of their emotions and their underlying patterns of thoughts and behaviors. By exploring and processing their emotions, individuals can gain greater insight into the root causes of their emotional distress and develop more effective coping strategies.
In an EFIT session, the therapist will work with the individual to identify the negative patterns of thinking and behavior that are contributing to their emotional distress. The therapist will then help the individual develop new patterns of thinking and behavior that promote emotional regulation and well-being.
EFIT is typically a short-term therapy that involves 10-20 sessions, although the length of treatment may vary depending on the individual’s needs. The therapist may use a variety of techniques, including mindfulness, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and experiential therapy, to help the individual explore and process their emotions.
EFIT has been shown to be an effective treatment for a variety of mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, trauma, and relationship difficulties. By focusing on the individual’s emotional experience, EFIT can help individuals develop a greater sense of emotional regulation, self-awareness, and resilience.
Somatic Therapy Therapy
Somatic therapy is a form of therapy that recognizes the connection between the mind and the body. It’s based on the idea that experiences and emotions are not only felt in the mind but also in the body. Somatic therapy seeks to address emotional and psychological issues by working with the body, helping clients to tune into physical sensations and become more aware of their body’s reactions. This type of therapy may involve a range of techniques to help clients process and release emotional and physical tension held in the body. Somatic therapy can be useful for a range of conditions, including trauma, anxiety, depression.
In a somatic therapy session, the therapist will guide you in exploring the sensations in your body, helping you to notice any areas of tension or discomfort. The therapist may use a variety of techniques to help you become more aware of your body and the sensations you are experiencing. These could include breathing exercises, movement, and self-touch. Through these techniques, the therapist will guide you in becoming more attuned to your body and your feelings.
As you become more aware of your bodily sensations and emotions, the therapist will work with you to explore and process any difficult emotions or memories that arise. This can involve talking through the experience and using various techniques to help you release tension and negative emotions from your body.
The ultimate goal of somatic therapy is to help you become more connected with your body and your emotions, so that you can heal from past trauma or emotional pain. The process can be empowering and can help you develop greater self-awareness and self-compassion
Trauma Informed Therapy
I am a trauma-informed therapist and have received specialized training in understanding the impact of trauma on an individual’s mental and emotional well-being. A trauma informed therapist takes a holistic approach, recognizing that trauma can affect not just a person’s thoughts and feelings, but also their physical health and relationships with others. They work to create a safe and supportive environment for their clients and help them to build resilience and coping skills to manage the effects of trauma.
Holistic Integrative Mental Health
Holistic integrative mental health is an approach to mental health care that takes into account the whole person – mind, body, and spirit. Rather than focusing solely on symptoms and diagnoses, this approach looks at the root causes of mental health issues and seeks to address them through a combination of conventional and complementary therapies.
Adopting a holistic integrative mental health approach means that I will work collaboratively with you to create a personalized treatment plan that considers all aspects of their health and well-being. I have taken additional specialized training in helping individuals achieve optimal mental health and well-being by addressing not only the symptoms of your mental health issues but also the underlying causes. I also work collaboratively with other professionals such as acupuncturists, nutritionists, naturopaths for support that is outside of my scope of practice.
If you are looking for a trusted mental health provider, Restore Renew Revive Counselling & Couples Therapy is here to help. I offer a variety of evidence-based therapy services, including somatic therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, emotionally focused therapy, trauma-informed therapy, and holistic integrative mental health. I am an experienced therapist dedicated to providing personalized care that meets your unique needs. To schedule an appointment or learn more about my services, please visit our website at https://restorecounselling.ca or call us at 902-702-7722.
Communication is an essential component of healthy relationships, but many couples struggle to communicate effectively. Often when emotions are running high, this becomes increasingly difficult to do and many couples report struggling to communicate effectively in their relationship. This can be for a number of reasons including childhood trauma, previous relationship traumas (including betrayals) and never having learned how to regulate emotions when they are hot.
People often are unaware of why they react the way they do in difficult conversations and are unable to ask for their needs to be met in a clear way. What often happen instead is that they get stuck in negative patterns of anger, criticism, indifference or shutting the conversation down. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) refers to this as the negative cycle. When couples get caught frequently in the negative cycle, they become discouraged about their relationship and feel increasingly disconnected from each other.
Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and even relationship breakdowns. Whether you’re dealing with conflicts, navigating differences, or just trying to connect with your partner, improving your communication skills can help you build stronger, more fulfilling relationships. In this blog, we’ll explore why good communication is important and three strategies for improving communication in relationships, so you can cultivate deeper understanding, trust, and intimacy with your partner.
Good communication is important for several reasons:
Good communication is essential in any type of relationship, including romantic ones. In a romantic relationship, effective communication helps to build trust, increase intimacy, and maintain a strong emotional connection between partners. There is never perfect communication in any relationship, however, it is possible to recognize when you are getting off track in your conversations and take a break, slow down or regulate your own internal state so you can better attune to your partner. In Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy this would be described as negative cycle deescalation or being able to recognize the negative cycle and stop it before it takes over the conversation.
Here are some specific reasons why good communication is so important in a romantic relationship:
1) Builds trust: Communication builds trust between partners. By communicating openly and honestly with each other, partners can build trust and feel secure in their relationship.
2) Helps resolves conflict: Communication helps resolve conflicts in a healthy and constructive way. When partners communicate effectively, they can identify the root cause of conflicts, express their feelings and needs, and work together to find a resolution.
3)Increases intimacy: Communication increases intimacy between partners. When partners communicate openly and honestly, they can share their deepest thoughts, feelings, and desires, which can strengthen their emotional connection and intimacy.
4) Fosters emotional support: Communication fosters emotional support between partners. When partners communicate effectively, they can provide emotional support to each other, which can help them cope with stress and difficult times.
5) Promotes shared goals and values: Communication promotes shared goals and values between partners. When partners communicate openly and honestly, they can share their goals and values, and work together to achieve them.
6) Builds a stronger foundation for the relationship: Communication builds a stronger foundation for the relationship.
By communicating openly and honestly with each other, partners can build a strong and resilient relationship that can weather the ups and downs of life. But this often feels easier said than done.
3 Ways to Improve Communication in Your Relationships
Be Fully Present
Active listening means giving your partner your full attention and really hearing what they are saying. This means putting aside distractions and avoiding interrupting your partner while they speak. Make eye contact and fully listen to what the other person is saying and how they are saying it.
This is important because mirror neurons, which are specialized cells in the brain, are perceiving the expression and engagement of the other person below the level of our conscious awareness.
These neurons are thought to play a role in empathy, social cognition, and imitation. They play a role in understanding and interpreting nonverbal cues such as facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice. For example, when one partner in a conversation expresses sadness, the other partner may activate mirror neurons that help them feel and understand the other person’s emotions.This can be helpful in building rapport and trust with the other person.
Overall, the role of mirror neurons in communication is still an area of active research. However, it is clear that these neurons play an important role in understanding and interpreting nonverbal cues, which can be a critical component of effective communication. For this reason, it is very important to be fully present in your conversations.
If you’d like to learn more about mirror neurons Marco Iacoboni, author of the book “Mirroring People” has a very interesting lecture on this topic.
Validate
Validation means acknowledging your partner’s feelings, even if you don’t agree with them. This can help your partner feel heard and understood, which can improve communication.
Avoid arguing or debating with the person about their feelings. Instead, focus on understanding their perspective and finding common ground.
Try offering support and encouragement to the person, even if you don’t agree with their perspective. Let them know that you are there for them and that you care about their feelings.
Take Responsibility for Your Feelings and Actions
Taking responsibility for your own feelings can help avoid blaming your partner for how you feel. Share with your partner about the impact of the situation on you and how it is to be in your shoes.
Be open to feedback from the other person, and be willing to listen to their perspective. Accepting feedback can help you understand the impact of your actions and make positive changes in your behavior. Acknowledge your mistakes and express a willingness to make amends.
These are just some of the ways you can improve your communication with others. You may also want to seek the guidance of a couples’ therapist who can offer you even more strategies and a safe space to share your feelings.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) is a form of therapy that focuses on improving emotional connection and communication between couples. It is based on attachment theory, which suggests that humans have a basic need for secure emotional connections with others.
In EFT, the therapist helps couples identify and express their emotions, understand their patterns of interaction, and create new ways of communicating and connecting. EFT has been found to be effective in improving relationship satisfaction, reducing conflict, and promoting emotional connection in couples. It can be helpful for couples who are experiencing a range of difficulties, including communication problems, conflict, infidelity, and other issues.
If you are struggling with communication in your romantic relationship, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Marcy Daniels, MSW, RSW can provide you with the support and guidance you need to improve your communication skills and build a stronger, healthier relationship. Contact her today at 902-702-7722 or visit our website at https://restorecounselling.ca to learn more about our services and how she can help you
If you’re a woman who has recently discovered that your partner has been unfaithful, you may be feeling lost and unsure of what steps to take next. In this blog, we’ll explore three important things that a woman who was betrayed should consider after an affair. Whether you’re trying to work things out with your partner or considering moving on, this blog is designed to provide support and guidance as you work to heal and willl provide practical advice and guidance for women who are struggling to navigate this challenging time
Recovering after an affair is a difficult and emotionally draining process, and it can be especially challenging for the person who was betrayed and may experience a range of emotions after discovering their partner’s infidelity. Women who are dealing with the aftermath of an affair may feel overwhelmed, confused, and unsure of how to move forward. The process of healing and rebuilding trust can be a daunting task, and it’s important for women in this situation to know that they are not alone.
3 Things to Consider After the Discovery of an Affair
1) First and foremost, it’s essential to prioritize your emotional wellbeing. Discovering an affair can be an incredibly painful experience, and it’s normal to feel a wide range of emotions, from anger and sadness to confusion and betrayal. It’s important to take the time to process these feelings and seek support from those around you, whether that’s through talking to friends and family or seeking out the help of a therapist.
Some, but not all people impacted by broken trust develop betrayal trauma. Betrayal trauma is a type of trauma that occurs when a person experiences a violation of trust or betrayal by someone they depend on for support, such as a romantic partner, family member, or close friend. This type of trauma is often associated with infidelity, but it can also occur in other types of relationships where there is a breach of trust.
Betrayal trauma can have a profound impact on a person’s mental and emotional wellbeing. Symptoms may include feelings of anxiety, depression, anger, and shame, as well as physical symptoms such as headaches, fatigue, and stomach problems. Victims of betrayal trauma may also experience a loss of self-esteem and self-worth, as well as difficulty trusting others and forming new relationships.
Even the most self-confident people on the planet can be reduced to self-doubters after infidelity. In an instant, you may shift from feeling safe and secure to anxious and fearful. Internalizing the situation or blaming yourself is common, though not very helpful to your overall well-being and can even further traumatization.
2) Once you’ve had a chance to process your emotions, it’s important to assess the state of your relationship. Do you want to try to work things out with your partner, or is it time to end things? This can be a difficult decision to make, and it’s important to be honest with yourself and your partner about what you’re feeling and what you need moving forward.
In order to make this difficult choice, you will need to set boundaries and establish clear expectations for your relationship moving forward. This may mean setting guidelines for communication with the affair partner or building in various forms of accountability. It’s important to be clear about what you need from your partner in order to feel safe and secure in your relationship and if your partner is unwilling to do these things, or at the very least talk about these things with you, that may help you with your decision to leave or stay in your relationship.
If you do decide to try to work on your relationship, there are a few key steps you can take. First, it’s important to establish open and honest communication with your partner. This can be difficult, especially if trust has been broken, but it’s essential to be transparent with each other in order to rebuild your relationship. Consider working with an EFT trained couples therapist who can help you navigate this process.
3) Finally, it’s important to take care of your physical health as well. Stress, anxiety, and depression can all take a toll on your physical health, so taking steps to care for your body can help you better manage these symptoms and promote overall healing.
One of the most important things you can do to take care of your physical health after discovering an affair is to make sure you’re getting enough sleep. Sleep is essential for our physical and emotional health, and getting enough rest can help boost your mood, reduce stress levels, and improve your ability to cope with difficult emotions. If you’re struggling with sleep, consider establishing a bedtime routine that promotes relaxation, such as taking a warm bath or practicing meditation before bed. You might also benefit from a sleep story or meditation like these ones from Insight Timer.
Eating a healthy diet can also be an important part of caring for your physical health. Try to eat a balanced diet that includes plenty of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins. Avoid processed and sugary foods, which can cause mood swings and other physical symptoms. It can be hard to eat when you are emotionally distraught. Consider things that are easy to prepare and not hard to digest like soups, smoothies or comfort foods like PB&J or grilled cheese sandwiches.
Regular exercise is another important part of caring for your physical health after discovering an affair. Exercise can help reduce stress and anxiety, boost your mood, and improve your overall health and wellbeing. Even just a short walk or yoga session each day can make a big difference in how you feel. You can check out Yoga with Adriene for free online yoga classes.
In addition to these self-care practices, it’s also important to see your doctor regularly and attend to any physical health concerns you may have. Regular check-ups and screenings can help you stay on top of your health and address any issues before they become more serious. It’s not easy to talk about or fun to think about, but screenings for STI is also a reasonable step to take after the discovery of a betrayal. The Halifax Sexual Health Centre or the STI clinic at the VG Hospital in Halifax are places you can contact to arrange this testing.
The Way Ahead
Recovering from an affair is never easy, but with time, effort, and the right support, it is possible to heal and move forward. Remember to prioritize your emotional wellbeing, assess the state of your relationship, and take care of your physical health as you work through this difficult time. With patience and perseverance, you can come out the other side stronger and more resilient than before.
Are you or a loved one dealing with the aftermath of an affair? Red Therapy Group has an excellent self directed online training that the betrayed partner can explore while waiting to get in to work with a therapist.
If you’re struggling with the emotional aftermath of discovering an affair I want you to know that you don’t have to go through it alone. Counselling can be an important part of the healing process.
At Restore Renew Revive, our experienced therapist can provide you with a safe and supportive space to process your emotions, build resilience, and move forward in a positive direction. We offer a variety of counselling services, including individual therapy and couples therapy, to help you find the support that works best for you.
To learn more about our services or to schedule an appointment, please visit our website at https://restorecounselling.ca or call us at 902-702-7722. Remember, healing is possible, and taking the first step towards seeking support can be the beginning of a brighter future.
Thanks to Hollywood and social media, many couples have been led to believe the secret to reconnecting and rekindling the passion is through a destination vacation, fancy date nights, or expensive gifts. But the reality is, once there’s a disconnect between partners, gifts and vacations simply won’t cut it.
It may seem counterintuitive, but love is mended not through grandiose deeds, but through small acts of kindness; through the seemingly micro-moments of being attuned to the other person. It is in these moments when we have a choice to listen to our partner and learn about them and their needs.
If you and your partner are feeling disconnected, here are a few ways you can reconnect:
Pay Better Attention
It is not maliciousness but rather mindlessness that often causes a disconnect. When our partner turns to us with an emotional need, or to simply be heard, do we stop what we are doing and give them our full attention? Or do we mumble something and nod a little, all-the-while checking our Facebook page?
One of the most important steps to reconnecting is to become more self-aware and understand that you are, most likely, not paying your partner the kind of attention they seek and deserve. When they reach for you, reach back. Showing kindness and respect, especially in those moments when it feels hard (like when the game is on or your coworker is texting you juicy office gossip), will go a long way toward reconnecting you.
Try This: How often do you actually look into your partner’s eyes when you are speaking to each other? Research has found that the act of meeting your partner’s eye can not only help you tune into them more fully, but can contribute to the release of oxytocin (a bonding hormone), increase feelings of attraction for one another and contribute to a longer lasting bond with each other.
Try to Understand Your Partner Better
Often times disconnection comes not from what is said between you both but what is not said. Many couples complain they feel their partner wants them to be a mind reader!
If partners are struggling to be vulnerable with each other there is usually a good reason why. When couples are distressed they often get stuck in patterns of behaviour that are reactive and worsen or amplify the distress between them. Consider if you are contributing to emotional safety between the two of you when you are having important conversations or if your emotional reactivity or shut down is fuelling the negative cycle you’re getting stuck in.
Play
Yet another way to rekindle the joy and passion is to play together. Go to a movie, play air hockey, try rollerblading… whatever it is, just try and have genuine fun together. Play can bring us a sense of security, offer a way to communicate, and even help us resolve conflicts
Following these steps may help you to feel closer to your partner. And, if you feel you need more help reconnecting with one another, consider seeking the guidance of a therapist.
If you or a loved one is interested in exploring couples counselling, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.
Good communication is the key to positive sex experiences in pregnancy & postpartum, but talking about the changes and challenges that might come up in your sex life was likely the last thing on your mind when you found out that you would be soon be expecting a baby.
In some ways, this is not surprising. Only a minority of women (29%) who participated in a research study about the connection between a positive sexual self and a more positive experience of pregnancy reported that their prenatal care providers discussed sexuality with them. As important as open communication is with your care provider, being comfortable communicating about your sexual pleasure during pregnancy and postpartum with your partner is also a key ingredient in having a positive sexual connection.
Research finds that comfort with sexual communication is directly linked to satisfaction in the bedroom. Self-disclosure and being open when communicating with one’s partner, is also associated with relationship satisfaction. But even though communicating openly about sexual issues is important, it can also be very hard. It’s not uncommon to feel embarrassed, “dirty” or awkward requesting what you want explicitly in your relationship. but communication is key to positive sex experiences in pregnancy & postpartum.
What to expect (in the bedroom) When Expecting Generally, unless your doctor or midwife has specific reasons for you to not have sex, it’s absolutely safe — for you, your partner, and your developing baby.
Interestingly, women who have orgasms during pregnancy benefit from the release of calming hormones and increased cardiovascular blood flow. Those benefits get even passed down to baby.
However, during the first trimester, you may feel exhausted, nauseous and emotionally exhausted. Fifty-eight percent of women in a Canadian study reported that their desire dwindled during pregnancy. If your experience is the opposite of this, know that you are not alone; pregnancy affects people’s sex drives in different ways.
During the second trimester, you may physically begin to feel a little better. Because of increased blood flow to your vagina, your sex dive may even increase. But, as you begin to show a little more, your partner can be affected, not only because you look and feel different, but because as the pregnancy progresses, they will see and feel the baby move. This can bring on some fearful feelings for the non-pregnant partner.
If the two of you aren’t used to having vulnerable conversations about difficult topics, it may feel like you are struggling to communicate effectively about how pregnancy and postpartum affects your sex life. Working towards improving communication is key to positive sex experiences in pregnancy & postpartum.
In the last trimester, being intimate can feel more challenging, simply because the baby has gotten so big and finding positions that are comfortable for everyone can be difficult. At times like this, being able to communicate about sex during pregnancy and postpartum is so important. It can help both partners to enjoy sex throughout the pregnancy. Being able to communicate with each other about which position are more comfortable, whether intimate activities like oral sex feel pleasurable or if non-sexual touch is a more natural way to connect.
Sex after Delivery You’ve spent hours picking out the perfect name, choosing the right crib and car seat and scouring parenting books. And then, the reality suddenly dawns on you…everything about having your first baby isn’t as magical as you hoped it would be.
Sleepless nights, leaky boobs and being touched or snuggled nearly 24/7 can take a toll on a your postpartum sex life. And, as enjoyable as you sex life had been before baby, the thought of being intimate may the furthest thing from your mind. At times like this, communication is key to positive sex experiences in pregnancy & postpartum so both partners can feel heard, understood and supported.
Dr. Natalie Rosen, who is a Halifax based psychologist and conducts research with her team at the Couples and Sexual Health Research Laboratory found 50% of pregnant North American women report being given absolutely no information about changes that may occur to their sexual relationship after childbirth. In response to this, she and her team created a video series to address the most common sexual concerns that new parents have.
Good Communication Is Key to Positive Sex Experiences in Pregnancy & Postpartum. John and Julie Gottman, who are therapists and relationship experts, found in their research from the Bringing Baby Home program that almost 2/3 of couples report a decline in relationship satisfaction up to three years after having a baby. The 1/3 of couples that reported higher levels of satisfaction had a things in common; they were able to share in the transition together by cultivating a strong sense of friendship, practicing healthy conflict management, and tackled the varying needs of a newborn as a team.
There are seasons, like pregnancy and postpartum, when “capacity and tolerance for sex fluctuates”. In fact, building intimacy and connection during these times is critical, and this does not come just from the sex act itself. Hugging, holding hands, snuggling, kissing all foster intimacy. So does good communication and a commitment to emotional intimacy.
The Gottman’s suggest building what they call “Love Maps” which really comes down to knowing the little things about your partner to create a strong foundation for your friendship and intimacy. In their series “Gottsex” they suggest some of the following conversation starters
*Can you recall some good moments of sex between us?
*What did we do that made you feel closer to me?
*What made you feel relaxed?
*What made you feel ready for touch and sensuality?
*What makes you feel connected to me?
*What makes you more in touch with your body?
They have also created a very useful app where you can explore what they call ‘salsa cards’ to help you turn towards, talk about and explore sexually with your partner.
Open and honest communication with your partner is an essential ingredient to building greater intimacy and sexual satisfaction in pregnancy and postpartum. If are looking to build a deeper emotional connection or want help learning to talk openly about any aspect of your relationship, including your sex life, with your partner, couples counselling can help.
The pandemic has produced a whole host of pressures and decisions couples have never had to consider, straining even strong partnerships.
Until now, you never would have considered ending your relationship.
Sure, there were things that felt less than perfect, but after your third fight this week and another sleepless night, you can’t help but wonder “Should I leave my relationship”?
When the pandemic hit, most couples were forced to spend more time in the same space…..a lot more time.
But rather than drawing the two of you closer, it’s as though all this “togetherness” highlighted the things that bothered you most about your spouse and your relationship with them.
What bothers you most now, as you think back, is how alone you have felt these past few months.
Cooped up in the house together, it was plain to see how distant and disconnected you’ve become. You feel like nothing more than room mates co-existing in the same space.
Now that some of the restrictions have begun to ease, you have started contemplating whether this relationship is what you really want.
You are left with this nagging, unanswered question, “Should I leave my relationship?”
5 Things to Consider Before Leaving Your Relationship
You’ve probably heard this a thousand times, but here it is again: Relationships are tough and they require constant work. You and your partner have to be ready to put in the work every single day.
However, the global pandemic has also prompted many people to experience a relationship wake up call and re-evaluate if they should leave the relationship.
Here is a list of 5 Important Questions for You to Answer These questions will give you a clearer picture of whether of not you should leave your relationship.
1. Do you feel safe in the relationship? – In your relationship, you should have a sense of safety and security. Does it feel like your partner is there for you and would stick with you through tough times? If it is difficult for you to answer ‘yes’ this question, try talking to about the concerns you have and what causes to believe that they would not stay with you through thick and thin.
Sue Johnson, psychologist and relationship expert noted, “It is the fact that in times of crisis and danger our attachment system is primed to search for comforting contact. Suddenly our vulnerability is impossible to deny or put aside.
The key relationship defining questions “Are you there for me-Can I count on you” are front and centre. And, if the answers to these questions are negative or ambiguous, our nervous system tells us we are in trouble.
2. Do you support each other – As humans, we rely on our romantic relationships to provide us with some level of encouragement and support. Feeling alone in a relationship some times is normal, but if your relationship is fraught with anxiety and disagreements, no wonder you are considering leaving your relationship.
Sue Johnson, psychologist and relationship expert, notes that the main resource our species has learned to rely on is the support of a loved one to whom we are precious.
Our brains go into what she call attachment panic, and we either try to strong arm our partner into responding, or begin to totally numb out and shut down emotionally.
3. Do your plans and visions for the future align? – To feel a sense of certainty about your commitment, you need to see a way ahead together with a vision and goals for the future.
A recent paper in the journal Lancet points out that humans have a long history of breaking down emotionally during quarantines and pandemics. Symptoms of isolation-induced distress may include emotional detachment from others, irritability and exhaustion. “I want out” is something couples may say in desperation when feeling trapped by a seemingly inescapable and interminable pandemic.
Check in with yourself; is the feeling of “if only I could escape this relationship” driven by pandemic frustration or is it because you and your partner have grown in different directions and have your own plans and visions for the future.
4. Are your arguments healthy? – Arguments are normal, but how you argue matters. Are you able to keep your arguments from getting out of hand, find a way to calmly discuss and reach a solution? You need to argue in a way that makes both parties feel heard.
You have no idea why things seem to go sideways in your conversations. Truthfully, you are confused about why you consistently misunderstand each other.
If all couples argue, why do some couples end up getting more and more distant and pissed off with each other while others seem to be able to work it out?
The short answer is that couples can get stuck in a negative pattern of reacting (triggering) each other that they don’t know how to get out of. This is often a strong indicator of the need for couples counselling. However, if things get violent often, then you need to rethink things.
5. Are you sexually compatible? – Sex is important in any romantic relationship. Are you physically attracted to each other? Do you agree on issues relating to sex such as when and how it occurs?
Sex can be one of the most difficult topics for a couple to talk about. It’s a great idea to create a safe space in your relationship where you can openly talk about your sex life.
If you answered yes to most/all of the questions above, then you and your partner are probably in a great place.
If not, carefully reflect on the questions and try revisiting them with your partner before making a final decision to leave your relationship.
It might also be a great idea to meet with a skilled therapist to help you individually as you reflect on these questions.
If you’re struggling with the decision to leave your relationship, and need a therapist to talk to, please give me a call. If you would like to explore if couples counselling may the right path, I would be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
