Marriage & Couples counselling
Discernment Counselling
When You’re Unsure What Comes Next for Your Relationship
You can sense the distance before words are even spoken.
You already know how the conversation will unfold—who will shut down, who will push, and how you’ll both end up feeling afterward. It’s not just about the argument anymore; it’s about the growing uncertainty underneath it.
You’re tired of revisiting the same questions without answers. Tired of feeling pulled between hope and resignation, connection and self-protection. When emotions are raw and clarity feels out of reach, it can be hard to know whether to keep trying, take a step back, or prepare to let go.
Even when things feel a little calmer between you, you hesitate to raise what’s really on your mind-
afraid of reopening conversations that might push things further apart or force decisions you’re not ready to make. You find yourself tiptoeing around the truth, trying to preserve the peace, while the bigger questions remain unspoken.
Being in limbo is exhausting.
You know enough about relationships to understand that no partnership is effortless. You expected challenges. You assumed there would be hard seasons, and for a long time you told yourself this was just one of them.
But now the emotional distance feels heavier than the conflict ever did. You’re worn down by the tension, the unanswered questions, and the feeling of being shut down—or slowly shutting yourself down—in the relationship that matters most to you. You’re not just tired of disagreements; you’re emotionally exhausted from carrying uncertainty without knowing what it means or where it’s leading.
When You’re Unsure What Comes Next
You may have reached a point in your relationship where things feel heavy, confusing, or painfully unclear. Maybe you’re wondering whether staying together is possible—or whether separating might be the healthier path. One of you may feel ready to leave, while the other is still hoping to repair what’s been lost. Or perhaps you both feel stuck, knowing something needs to change but unsure what that change should be.
Discernment counselling is designed for couples who are uncertain about the future of their relationship and need a thoughtful, contained space to slow things down and gain clarity—without pressure to fix, decide, or defend right away.
This work isn’t about convincing you to stay together or pushing you toward separation. It’s about helping you understand how you got here, what options are realistically available to you, and what path forward aligns best with your values and well-being.
When Discernment Counselling May Be a Better Fit Than Couples Therapy
Over the years, I’ve noticed a few consistent patterns among couples who seek support at this stage.
One is that couples who come into therapy with competing agendas—where one partner is leaning out of the relationship and the other is leaning in—often don’t benefit from traditional couples therapy right away. In my experience, these are frequently the couples who have already seen one or more therapists without feeling any real sense of progress. When partners are working toward different goals, couples therapy can feel frustrating, confusing, or even discouraging rather than supportive. Couples have told “it felt like there was no place to explore the ambivalence about our relationship”.
Many couples simply don’t know discernment counselling exists. This more reflective, decision-focused process isn’t always offered as an intermediary step, and clients are often unaware that there is a structured way to slow down, step back from actively working on improving the relationship, and step back to gain clarity before deciding what comes next. As a result, many couples feel rushed into therapy they aren’t ready for—or into decisions they don’t yet feel settled about.
Discernment counselling fills this gap. It offers a contained, thoughtful space to explore uncertainty, understand how you arrived at this crossroads, and make decisions with greater intention—rather than out of pressure, fear, or exhaustion.
What is Discernment Counselling
Discernment Counseling is a new way of helping couples where one person is “leaning out” of the relationship—and not sure that regular marriage counseling would help–and the other is “leaning in”—that is, interested in rebuilding the marriage.
As a therapist, my role is to help you decide whether to try to restore your marriage to health, move toward divorce, or take a time out and decide later.
The goal is for you to gain clarity and confidence about a direction, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future.
The goal is not to solve your marital problems but to see if they are solvable. You will each be treated with compassion and respect no matter how you are feeling about your marriage at the moment. No bad guys and good guys.
You will come in as a couple but the most important work occurs in the one-to-one conversations with me. Why? Because you are starting out in different places.
I will hold space for each of your perspectives and respects your reasons for separation/divorce while trying to open up the possibility of restoring the marriage to health.
Most importantly, my roles is to help each of you seeing your own contributions to the problems and the possible solutions. This will be useful in future relationships even if this one ends.
Who Discernment Counselling is for:
Discernment counselling may be a good fit if:
You’re unsure whether to stay together or separate
One partner feels more “out” while the other wants to work on the relationship
Couples therapy has felt overwhelming or premature
You want clarity before making a life-altering decision
You’re afraid of making the wrong choice—or moving too quickly
Many couples arrive feeling emotionally exhausted, conflicted, or afraid of regret. This process offers space to think more clearly, with support.
If you’re feeling stuck between staying and leaving, overwhelmed by uncertainty, or pressured to decide before you’re ready, discernment counselling can help you approach this crossroads with greater clarity and self-trust.
You don’t need to have answers yet. This work is about creating the conditions where clearer answers can emerge.
How Discernment Counselling Works
Discernment counselling is brief-5 sessions typically-and involves a combination of joint and individual conversations within each session. This allows space for:
Honest reflection without escalation
Understanding each partner’s experience and perspective
Exploring the patterns and dynamics that led to this point
Clarifying personal responsibility and readiness for change
The goal is not to decide for you, but to help you reach greater clarity about one of three paths:
Continuing the relationship as it is
Separating or divorcing
Committing to a period of focused couples therapy
Whatever clarity emerges, it’s done with care, intention, and respect for both partners.
Discernment counselling is offered through secure online video sessions using JaneApp, a privacy-compliant platform designed for healthcare services. I am licensed to work with clients who are physically located in Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, and Newfoundland and Labrador at the time of their appointment.
The Process for Discernment Counselling
Free Consultation:
The first step is to book a free 15-minute, no-obligation consultation to talk more about whether working together feels like the right fit.
My hope is that, even before your first session, you’ll feel confident about the process and comfortable with me as a therapist. This call gives you space to ask questions about my training and experience, learn more about what discernment counselling looks like, and decide whether this approach feels supportive for you right now.
We can also review how online sessions work, including how to use the video platform and join your appointment, so that everything feels familiar ahead of time. Taking care of these details in advance can help make starting therapy feel a little less stressful.
And if I’m not the right person for you, I’ll do my best to point you in a direction that makes sense, so you can get the support you need.
First Session:
Our first session is 2 hours long and focuses on understanding why you’ve reached this crossroads.
We’ll begin together, exploring:
-What brings you to discernment counselling now
-How each of you is experiencing the relationship
-Whether one person feels more “leaning out” or “leaning in”
-What you’ve already tried, including previous therapy
You’ll also each have time to speak individually, allowing space for honest reflection without escalation or pressure. This helps clarify where each partner is emotionally and what they’re hoping (or not hoping) for at this stage. The goal of this session is not to decide anything, but to slow things down and establish clarity about the situation you’re in.
Sessions 2–4: Gaining Clarity & Understanding Patterns
In the sessions that follow, the focus shifts to understanding how you arrived here.
Together, we’ll explore:
The patterns that have shaped your relationship over time
How each of you has responded to conflict, disconnection, or disappointment
Personal contributions to the current situation (without blame or shaming)
What change would realistically require from each partner
These sessions are reflective rather than problem-solving. The goal is to move away from arguing about what happenedand toward understanding how the relationship works and what each of you is truly able and willing to change.
Many couples find this phase clarifying and relieving, as it replaces emotional reactivity with insight and steadiness.
Final Session: Clarifying the Path Forward
The final session is focused on discernment and decision-making.
By this point, couples typically arrive at one of three paths:
Continuing the relationship as it is
Separating or divorcing
Committing to a period of focused couples therapy
Whatever clarity emerges, the decision is approached thoughtfully and respectfully. The role of discernment counselling is not to push you toward any outcome, but to help you make a decision that feels informed, intentional, and aligned with your values.
More About Marcy Daniels MSW, RSW
Knowing the deep pain of feeling at odds with someone you love, propelled me to pour countless hours into becoming the best possible couples therapist I could be. As a Registered Clinical Specialist Social Worker, I’ve spent the last fifteen years developing my skill in marriage & couples counselling through continuing education, training and hundreds of hours of working with couples. I’m certified in Discerment Counselling through the Doherty Relationship Institute.
All sessions are provided through secure video using JaneApp, a privacy-compliant platform designed for healthcare services. I am licensed to work with clients who are physically located in Nova Scotia, Newfoundland and Labrador, and New Brunswick at the time of their appointment.
Is Discernment Counselling Right for Us?
If you or your partner are considering separation or divorce but aren’t fully certain it’s the right next step, you may be feeling stuck in a difficult in-between place. Discernment counselling is designed for couples in this position—it offers space to slow down, take a breath, and thoughtfully explore your options for the relationship.
You will benefit from Discernment Counselling if:
Discernment counselling may be a good fit if:
You’re unsure whether to stay together or separate
One partner feels more “out” while the other wants to work on the relationship
Couples therapy has felt overwhelming or premature
You want clarity before making a life-altering decision
You’re afraid of making the wrong choice—or moving too quickly
Many couples arrive feeling emotionally exhausted, conflicted, or afraid of regret. This process offers space to think more clearly, with support.
There are times when Discernment Counselling is not be the best fit:
- When one spouse has already made a final decision to divorce
- When one spouse is coercing the other to participate
- When there is danger of domestic violence
- When you’re feeling discouraged or hurt but both of you want to work on relationship
If any of these apply to you, I can provide you with the appropriate referrals.
What does Discernment Counselling cost?
Discernment counselling is a maximum of 5 counselling sessions.
The first session is 2 hours and costs $400
The subsequent sessions are 1.5 hours and cost $300
My services are covered by most insurance plans and I am able to direct bill to most insurance companies. I also offer a limited number of reduced fee spots.
If direct billing is not available for your plan, you will receive a detailed receipt that you can submit to your insurance provider yourself or keep for income tax purposes.
I recommend you check your plan specifics before scheduling a session.
What are your office hours? Where are you located?
I am available for therapy sessions Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday 2 pm-9 pm
Friday 8 am-5 pm
Saturday 9 am-5 pm.
All sessions are provided through secure video using JaneApp, a privacy-compliant platform designed for healthcare services. I am licensed to work with clients who are physically located in Nova Scotia, Newfoundland and Labrador, and New Brunswick at the time of their appointment.
Your Next Steps:
Here are some of the ways I help couples in my Bedford, Nova Scotia Counselling Office:
Improve Communication
Restore Intimacy
Rebuild Trust
Resources
1600 Bedford Highway Suite 220, Bedford, NS B4A IE8, Canada I (902) 702-7722 I info@restorecounselling.ca
Office Hours: Mon/Tu/Wed/ Thurs 2pm-9pm Friday 8am-5pm Saturday 9am-5pm
Reception Hours: Mon-Fri 9am - 5pm
Copyright 2021 © Restore. Renew. Revive | All Rights Reserved | Privacy & Terms | Website by Windrose Web Design